zen_revolution

5/9

2012-01-28T00:53:00.002+08:00

finally decided to go ahead with trying out and showdown was today. perhaps deep down, a part of me was already hypnotising myself. that it will turn out this way. nonetheless, i am glad that i decided to go ahead with it. what's mine will be mine. if it aint mine, i wouldnt force it as well.

dilemma

2012-01-12T18:34:00.003+08:00

i didnt expect myself to begin the 1st post for the new year in this manner. esp after such a looong time. i am seriously stuck with a dilemma. one tt may change my life for at least the next 3 years. i made the enquiries and am stuck with whether i shld go on to fulfill it. a part of me tells me to go for me and not having to regret later on while its counterpart holds me back, as i predict the kind of questions they will be posting me for all tt i am lacking for. i never had such a hard time trying to make up my mind to pursue for something that i want. so i am having a tug of war now, thinking wat's the best decision i shld make.

just f.y.i.

2011-06-13T22:24:00.005+08:00

i realised i haven been blogging for quite some time. preceptorship will end this friday and the holidays are finally coming. there is so much that happened for the past 6 weeks. alot of thoughts went through and sometimes i just wonder wat's the best choice. maybe i have yet to experience it. nonetheless, i am grateful for all that i had went through for it broaden my perspective and made me realise more.

i miss shopping. i miss mahjong. i miss running. and i miss cycling the most. hopefully i cn do all of them after preceptorship ends.

dontforget

2011-05-21T21:54:00.002+08:00

i realised i havent been updating for awhile. the long awaited school holidays is here and preceptorship week II is ending. life has been pretty routine: preceptorship, kdrama, preceptorship and more kdrama. finally get to watch secret garden, paradise ranch and my princess. went back to watch iris so completed 4 kdramas thus far. it's kind of insane how i cn spend the entire weekend staring at the computer screen. i just get so hooked on the stories and couldnt stop watching. i also went back to read the 2 jodi picoult books i bought last year. hadnt had the time to complete them. hopefully i cn finish them before school starts.

preceptorship is pretty fun although i was kind of intimidated the first few days especially when i couldnt locate all the different items the customers asked. experienced the real retail setting and everyday worklife of a retail pharmacist. i guess i might be considering this path afterall. since it really isnt what i thought to be.

school holidays means more time to think and think and think. staring at the dark space, the same old questions will popped up and as usual i dont have the answers. sometimes i just wished i am so tired that i will just fall asleep and not have the energy to think so much.

simple

2011-03-29T21:26:00.005+08:00

the final week of the month is finally here! and the horrendous april is waiting for me. i just cnt bear to think how my life will be then. i will just have to take things one at a time. hopefully everything will not be too overwhelming for me to handle.

i learnt a new word in school 2 weeks ago: jaded. and it suits me totally. plus what i have been feeling for the past few months. it had been just continuous studying non-stop for all of us. right from the start of the semester. because we have so many tests and midterms and everyone just want to do well and that make things even more stressful. i want to feel better and be happy about what i am doing. i just want a weekend whereby i dont have to think about sch work and tests and really let my hair down.

i felt that i have never truly stopped and paused down once to look at all the things i have been missing so far in my life. it could have been a much simpler and easier path. but i took this instead. and sometimes, especially in times like this, i really question myself why did i ever do that for. i guess i knew that answer all along, i just want to rant for that moment. what an irony right. complaining about things that i chose for myself.

no matter how much i rant. no matter how hard things are going to get. i just have to believe that i can go through them.

breather

2011-03-23T16:08:00.002+08:00

i should be studying for next week's pharmaco and the many upcoming tests. but here i am blogging because i finally ended the dell's ppt today! although things didnt really go the way i wanted, i am happy it is over! all the late nights has been making my brain worse- i realised i couldnt rmb stuff as well as last time. i need some gingko supplements to improve my memory! there is a pile of papers waiting for me to absorb them. if only i cn rmb all of them by mere touching that stack and all the info willl flow in. what naive thinking right.

and my gastric came to visit today after such a long time. had a really bad relapse today after the dell ppt. i think the h pylori in my stomach is multiplying and causing me all the upset. hopefully it will die down and not come back for a loong loong time.

need to go back to studying. the pile of papers is really stacking up and scary to see.

3/4 left.

2011-03-06T01:24:00.003+08:00

the madness month is finally here. and 1 week had passed. it was not exactly pleasant but i am still glad that it is over. things will definitely turn worse and i am waiting for them to come. and i wonder, wat is behind all this hard work and effort. it kills to see things that dont reciprocate. it's like pouring water into a broken glass and not knowing why no matter how hard u try, u cnt seem to fill it up.

watching them definitely make me feel better. their passion saw them through the gruelling and depressing 24 months before their comeback. and so i cn still believe that as long as u truly put ur heart into it, u can achieve what u want eventually.

exclusively for you

2011-02-18T20:16:00.011+08:00

loads of things happened in sch. that made me think about what is it that i actually want. it had been a long time since i really felt that i was happy with what i was doing. and there is so much i want to rant about but i wont start again. i will learn to swallow them unless i am really exploding. recess week is finally here and the most dreaded month is coming. march is termed madness month because there are tests, quizzes, assignment and presentation dued every week. i will need a lot of energy and mental strength to hold on. but for now, i will just take things as they come and overcome them one by one.

read about their lawsuit and found out about the dismissal of SM's injunction.although it is not over yet. it is definitely a huge relief for them.

looking back, the five of them had created and shared tons of memories. from strangers to bandmates to friends to soulmates; the common passion was the string that linked them together. they had grown up together, experienced the most spectacular part of their lives under each other's presence and went through all the downturns with each other's company. they knew they had each other to rely and count on. and that was all that matters to keep them going.

but things changed.

and everything is different now. there were shock, anguish, disbelief and speculations of the reasons behind their splitting moves. the media hype goes on with the lawsuit and the string that once bind them together was holding them against each other; like a tug of war that arises from cruelty. it was a tough decision to make and they had to go through so much sorrow and pain. it was a heartwrenching ordeal for all of them.

whatever the result of their lawsuit, i just hope that they wont go back to square one and become strangers again.

goodbye tiger. hello rabbit.

2011-02-04T10:47:00.004+08:00

it is the time of the year where i see mandarin oranges, pineapple tarts, love letters lying in my house again. it is the joyous festive season that bring the entire family together for reunion dinner.

to celebrate the end of a lunar year and to embrace the new one with hope, happiness and excitement.

to squeeze in my dad's car with my siblings and listen to those cny songs as we made our way to housevisit.

to catch up with one another and to hear the elders say how much u have grown up, become fatter or thinner.

to munch on cny goodies and watch many tv programs at the different houses.

some things just never change and i am glad it still is today. (:

tug of war

2011-01-23T18:57:00.003+08:00

it is getting harder. and harder. and harder to stay afloat.
depsite all that, i have to keep telling myself that i will pull through this gruelling period and everything will be fine.
information is overloading and overwhelming.
i need more time. i need to find more time.
i have to trust that i can do it.
i have to pull myself up in times like this.
throw away the negative thoughts and continue walking although it is getting so hard and my legs are tired and i want to stop so badly.
i just need to continue and never give up.

rants and thoughts

2011-01-18T20:09:00.007+08:00

sch had started and it is the 2nd week oreadi. a new year. a new semester. and a whole new experience. i had the experience of having 2 projects on hand after i ended my 1st day of sch. how exciting. i cn sense tt more are coming my way. and things haven been gg smoothly as well. but i just dont want to think so much abt it and take things one at a time. i realised i always end up complaining and ranting abt sch life and sch work here. i guess i need this tiny space to shout out all the unhappiness and frustration and what not to ease myself.

the rainy season is here again. everyday just feel so cold and i am trying hard not to eat ice-cream. i think i need to stock up more in view of the hectic days that will come. a scoop or two never fail to make me feel better. (:

alot has been gg thru my mind recently. i understand alot more but there is still alot tt i dont understand and cnt seem to figure out. oh wells. i still believe they exist for a reason just tt the right time haven come for me to figure them out. (:

i have been following their dispute. and the least i want is for status quo to become permanent. it is no longer about who is at fault and who isnt. all those dont matter anymore. wat's more impt is when cn it all come to an end and for everything to go back to where they use to be. before all the sorrow and longing turned to feud and hatred. i hate bad endings. because they make pple regret when they think back years ltr about what had happened. i dont think anyone of them deserved to go through this ordeal. because they had been through so much tgt. no one knows best except themselves and perhaps there is so much tt they want to say to each other tt they could no longer find the words to say it anymore.

and i wonder why unfortunate events must happen after smth great is just over. the mild success was all that they get for so much tt they put in. it is unfair, unforgiving and truly unbearable to watch. despite all that, i truly wish them well and believe that they will put smiles on each other's faces again. because a cassie always keep the faith.

rocket,empire and adjectives

2011-01-08T11:41:00.007+08:00

went for exco retreat at sentosa resort from 4-6 jan. although the sky was pouring from the 1st day that we were there, it did not dampened our mood at all. we made the best out of it and still had lots of fun. played hotel 6-2-6 for the 1st time and couldnt stop laughing when we were playing empire. more pple joined us on the 2nd day and we had bbq with the ad-hoc comms. i tried bbq-ing food under the umbrella for the 1st time and it's great to see everyone ard having fun. i tried playing rocket, frisbee and volleyball at 0000hr at the beach for the 1st time. although the lights were dim and many of us couldnt see properly, the pple present really made things fun. we played for 2 hrs and didnt realise time passed so fast! there was definitely more bonding amongst and within ourselves and i am glad we did organise for a retreat and everyone turned up despite the hectic schedule that we had. (:

the awesome pple that made the retreat so fun and memorable!

everyone that turned up for bbq! (:

good news to share!
tvxq is finally back with their latest after 2 long years!
i am really really happy for them.
because they worked really hard for this one
despite all that had happened to them.
although there is only changmin and yunho,
i am sure yoochun, junsu and jaejoong will join them soon. (:
they just need more time.
*always keep the faith*

the full stop and new page.

2010-12-31T14:18:00.002+08:00

say goodbye to 2010 and embrace 2011.

another year passed and we are all a year older.

looking back, a lot had happened in 2010.

there are joyous moments, depressed periods and confused instances.

but all these has passed and i understood much more than before.

because i discovered much more and found out much more about myself.

perhaps there is too much that i want to say,

too much that i want to express,

that it had tired me out.

perhaps there is too much thoughts running through my mind,

that it had made me worried too much.

perhaps there is too much uncertainty

for the painting is not complete that i cnt see the light.

but as the year comes to a full stop tonight,

i will face the new page with faith.

because as long as i always keep the faith,

i will walk through this treacherous path.

the remains of its history

2010-12-27T21:22:00.003+08:00

visited the national museum today with belle, min and cand. it was a truly enriching experience.learnt alot more about Pompeii from the museum tour guide and the artefacts showcased there. a little brief history about the fall of Pompeii: Pompeii was buried with volcanic mud, ash and pumice within 2 days after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius on 24 August 79 CE. it was only rediscovered in the 18th century. approximately 1150 vicitims were revealed and many excavated buildings were restored following the efforts of archaeologists from 1863 onwards.

the most interesting part of the exhibition was that i get to witness the lifestyle of the Pompeiians such as the kind of houses they lived in, the kind of public entertainment they enjoyed, the gods they worshipped and even the various types of food they eat in their normal daily lives. it was said that many of the Pompeiians were freedmen that mended businesses for their owners- the wealthy whom left Pompeii after going through the various earthquakes encounters before the Plinian eruption destroyed the town.

i guess we can never match up to the power of mother nature. one volcanic eruption is all that it takes to destroy an entire town and make the world forget about its existence for 1800 years. a truly sorrow fate for the Pompeiians.

this exhibition is really awesome and nus/ntu students shouldnt be missing it! because it's FOC. hahas. went for lunch at cathay and did catching ups with the gals after that. i was pretty upset i didnt manage to find thanksgiving live in dome dvd in gramophone cathay and hmv in both cityhall and heeren. shall continue my search and hopefully i will find it soon! (: hols is ending in another week and time really flies. gotta make full use of the remaining time and recharge myself before the new semester starts again.

always keep the faith

2010-12-25T18:44:00.002+08:00

it was truly a difficult and unforgiving choice. i couldnt imagine how hard it would have been for them. even for us, it was heart wretching enough. to watch jyj's potrayal of falling leaves and nine. the tone in their voices said it all. all that was different and missing right now. and if it isnt five, it isnt right. there are so much that they are going through right now and perhaps a song or two could never express truly enough how they really feel. if the world had been a simpler place with more embracement, all these would have not occur at all.

but all of that had occured and all that we can do is to always keep the faith that a reunion will be possible someday. that the five will make a comeback. that this is just an ordeal that will only make their bond stronger for each other. because be it seven years or nine years, it is not the end for them.

under the same sky
we dream of the same dream
the brightness of the star's lights
the fear of the past
i will cherish it eternally
going towards the reality
even if i cant see you
i will come back for you
after the flowers fallen
we will start over again.

timeless

2010-12-21T13:13:00.002+08:00

it has been awhile since i blogged. in fact, this is the 2nd post during the hols so far. time flies and the hols is almost coming to an end. it's short but sweet. although i listed down the things that i wanted to do this hols, i spent most of my time staying glued in front of my computer screen watching k-drama. and i was glad i took up the 5 days job cause i spent quite alot this hols. went shopping and couldnt resist buying clothes. i actually haven shop for very loooong so it's retail therapy for me. i enjoy picking up clothes that i fancy in my favourite stores and just trying them out. i really enjoy wandering around in malls and just looking through things without knowing what u might come across. if i werent sane enough, i actually bought tvxq collection discs and their concert disc which cost quite a bomb. it has been a long time since i spend money on such things but i was really glad i did. (:

i had been wondering recently what contentment really means to me. sometimes, in the pursuit of things, we might get blinded and miss out on events and things that really meant alot to us. if time allows, will i be doing something that i like to do and be in somewhere that i like to be in. these thoughts come by so often nowadays that it is starting to waver me. i hate to think of it but i am really contented with how things really are right now. it is just the measure of the extent of contentment i guess. i will never know how much it will be that's why i have such thoughts i guess.

updates!

2010-12-09T19:22:00.014+08:00

just some updates of wat i had been doing for the past 1 wk. time flies so fast that liberation day seems to be ytd. if only time could stand still and let me enjoy these moments much longer.

world junior wushu championship!

it was truly an eye opener

and i never thought i will be working there.

i was in charge of tallying the scores for the different events

and the best part of my job is that

i get to watch the entire competition! :D

worked hard and hopefully geting my pay SOON! (:

denise and me with gunshu [A] world champion-

Yong Yi Xiang!

TEAM SINGAPORE! (:

the kawaii daoshu [C] world champion- Taiki Mori!

he is sooooo adorable!

gunshu [B] world champion- Kazanosuke Nakai! (:

silver medalist for daoshu [A] and
bronze medalist for gunshu [A]-Kazuki Fujinaga!

TEAM JAPAN! (:

nandao [A] world champion- Nguyen Viet Cuong! :D
he is also the silver medalist for nangun [A] (:

another adorable wushu boy from Ukraine! (:

French sanda player! (:

Korean sanda player!

it was really really a memorable experience for myself. there were so many countries that took part in this event and the cultural differences could be felt everyday. there were times when we had difficulties communicating with one another and we had to use hand signals and drawings. i was quite amazed and surprised that many non-asian countries practise wushu. and some of them even won world champion title for their countries. there is really no boundaries at all for wushu. (:

the new item on my wishlist:

jyj's thanksgiving live in dome album.

i went on to youtube to listen and their singing is still awesome just like before.

they sounded different prolly cos they are no longer tvxq but jyj.

this difference is good in a way i guess.

i had searched thru alot of places but i still couldnt find it. ):

notthesameanymore

2010-12-04T21:55:00.002+08:00

if it will wilter away, i will waver the last breath and let the scent etch in my mind.

because amidst the surrounding, i could only hear the subtle silence.

it was so real and unforgiving.

and i donno how anymore.

smell the freedom

2010-11-27T22:57:00.004+08:00

exams is finally over! we are all so over the moon! somebody even hollered after our last paper today. hahas. yup i guess that is what happen when u spend hours after hours torturing urself with those mountain set of notes and drink cups over cups of coffee to keep urself awake throughout the seemingly endless nights. we all pull it thru and the great sense of relief overwhelmed us. from now till 20 dec, i will do nothing but play, play and play! there's so much that i wanna do over this short hols: csi exhibition, bombay exhibition, k-dramas, xpharm, exco retreat, k-box, meet-ups, tennis, badminton, running, cycling, sleeping, MAHJONG and simply staring into space on my bed without having to worry about time! (:

i smell the freedom and am enjoying every moment of it! :D

i've learnt that there is no forever to everything. they are such great vocalists and awesome stage performers. but the fate is sealed and there's no turning back. it has ended. officially. i am really really really upset. i went back to listen to their songs and it made things worse. i felt even more upset. 2 is never equal to 5 to start with. dbsk is 1 entity altogether. it will never be the same anymore. ): they had worked so hard over the last 5 years and it all come to an end. it's really a pity and i am just upset that everything they had done and worked for is worth just this much. it really shouldnt be this way.

hopefully they will relive the dream again.

let the sunshine

2010-11-07T21:50:00.003+08:00

that pocket of sunshine finally peeked through my window and put an end to those gloomy days. i guessed i cnt stay gloomy forever i got to come out of it somehow. life gotta move on and i just have to make everyday worth my smile and believe that things will get better somehow.

i cnt wait for tuesday to come because that will put an end to all the projects i have on hand now. hopefully both poster and lifeform presentations will go on smoothly and nth will pop out to scare me again. i cnt afford another scare after wat happened on thursday. i dont even want to talk about it anymore. it is mind-draining. and after tuesday, i will think about nothing but just books and tennis. tennis classes ended on saturday and i feel that there is still alot more that i can improve on. prolly gotta work on that more intensively after 27 nov. i cnt wait for that faithful day to come.

recently, i picked up the habit of daydreaming whenever i try to ponder about concepts that i cnt understand for more than 10minutes. it cn really put my mind off to things which have totally no link with wat i was supposed to be thinking abt. and i hope i cn kick tt habit soon. it is driving me nuts. ): there is so much that needs to be done and i am really afraid that i wont have time for everything. i just gotta focus and really acha fight for the last 2 weeks. i hoped the effort will be linear this time ard and not sq-rooted.

through the rain

2010-10-31T00:28:00.006+08:00

let it pour just for today.
let the raindrops wash off the anguish and despondency.
i can never understand why but i have learnt not to question it anymore.

schizophrenia

2010-10-22T22:28:00.004+08:00

if i haven got what i wish for,
it probably means i haven work hard enough.
this constant tug and pull battle has worn me off.
and just proves the point more that what u reap is never what u sow.
or perhaps i can never be better anymore.
hang on, press on, jiayous, acha fighting.
i heard enough.

tell my evil twin to go away.
i cnt give up now although i am so tempted to let go of that rope.
it had gotten me nothing but blisters.
even if there is a tiny bit of me that want to withdraw,
i need to pull the rest of me tgt and finish this race.
because perceptions aside, i am only accountable to myself.

dream and reality

2010-10-14T20:31:00.003+08:00

i love what i am doing now.

but reality always drags me down and put me into more sorrow.

if time could stand still, i wish i could go back then and change my attitude.

i hate to not do everything to how i wish they turn out to be.

and when it happens, i can only tell myself to move on and that things will get better.

if only there is a starting point again.

i will definitely take the chance.

but the chance will never come.

and i have to bear this for the rest of my life.

the agony is starting to set in and it's drowning me.

when every single day is turning a toll on me.

and when all tt is left is just an empty shell.

i tried and i have to keep trying.

even if i wont reach the end in mind eventually, at least i tried.

the dream is vanishing and what is left is the cold reality.

it is not like this in the past.

i feel that i lost a part of me.

and i can never get it back anymore.

shatter

2010-10-07T18:19:00.004+08:00

just some recent updates: nusps had our welcome tea on tuesday! and the response was overwhelming! tonnes of pharmily came down and i was really glad although there wasnt enough food to go ard for everyone. the bank status is finally settled as well after the third trial. everything seems good and hope it will only get better. (: i cnt wait for 50th exco outing tmr! :D hopefully i cn get to know the entire comm better through dinner and there will be loads of fun!

another week is ending and i can see the humongous pile of things i need to complete. the list is never ending. it will only get more, not less. well, at times it's good to get my mind preoccupied with things to do so i wont have time to think abt other things.

i wish i had known you earlier. then i wouldnt be stuck in this sticky situation.

the power of perceptions have gotten all of us intoxicated.

while the exterior perpetuated these perceptions,

i had made past transition time, chosen anew and rendered a second path.

and the same lighthouse will never shine again.

updates!

2010-10-02T01:42:00.004+08:00

finally i get to do updates for so looooong. i am so glad that this week is history and that midterms are over. ytd was the worse day of this semester thus far. had 2 midterms on a single day, had to meet the deadline for pamphlet draft submission and settle accounting for pharm soc.dfd paper was freaking like a roller coaster ride. it got so exciting nearing the end of the paper. surprisingly, lifeforms midterms was way much better. nonetheless, i just hope that things will turn out fine eventually and wont do too badly for dfd. ):

hahas i never get to announce that i was elected into office! i am really glad that i finally decided to run for the post becuase after today's meeting with the past and present exco, i realise that there is so much more things u can learn and experience during ur term in office. not to mention giving back to the student population in terms of planning more activities and giving more welfare. (: and i hope that the 50th exco can have more bonding sessions. shall bombard socks with tonnes of outing ideas! :D

went for SILC 2010 during recess week from wed-fri with kheng yong and jiahui. totally enjoyed myself over the 3 days with my blueberry mates. although we only knew each other for less than 3 days, we are able to bond rather fast. just within 1 day. (: hahas the camp also exposed me to clubs and societies i never once know existed and we learnt alot abt the habits of being an effective leader. we even celebrated MAF over at kota tinggi and i got to play with latern for the 1st time after many years. (: campfire was totally the highlight of the entire camp and i think our group came out with the best skit and we taught everyone the friendship dance. had an awesome time at jusco eating desserts for lunch and shopping! had tonnes of icecream, brownies and blueberry pizza! bought an espirit shirt at reject store at a really worth it price. (:

the torch will never light up again.

chapter 2

2010-09-27T14:03:00.003+08:00

chapter 2 crept in in the midst of so many things. when there is midterms, SLIC 2010, projects, pamphlet, handover and wat not. they are the reason for the lagging post recently. i really cnt find the time to blog although there's so much that i want to say. ):

although it sucks when my birthday falls on the same day as a midterm paper, i had learnt to get used to it. how cn i not when it's gonna be the same for the next 2 yrs? hahas. it's heartwarming when my fellow aurigaes had a mini celebration for me just now. i love the card they wrote and it's great to know tt there are pple who still care and rmb ur birthday. many thanks to those who post birthday wishes on my fb wall too! (:

okays time to get back to lifeforms and centrifugation. the notes shall be my birthday presents. i wish my birthday luck cn substain thru out the week. esp for lifeforms.

because perceptions are toxic.

2010-09-03T20:17:00.003+08:00

it had been a loong and bumpy week. had to come up with a rallying video, complete survey forms, practise for consultation role play. not everything went according to what i planned but i guessed it's okay. as long as everything was done and past. after much thoughts abt what happened thru out the week, i think i need to change for the better. if something went wrong, dont expect much from others, expect more from urself. tt's one learning point i made. i just wish everything will turn out okay eventually and there wont be any bad blood created. (:

at times, perceptions really kill. as long as i have a clear conscience of why i am doing certain things, i should try not to be too bothered abt them. it is disheartening to hear doubts when my reasons of doing things are plainly simple and straightforward.

week four is ending. week five is cominggggg. which also means mid terms are coming soooon. ): dfd is still killing me. surface tension is building up and nw comes viscosity. soon i will turn into a dilatant liquid and start to have high resistance to flow when high shear stress is imparted on me. what's more, a dilatant fluid is not desirable for pharmaceutical products. ): i need to pull up my socks for tt. acha fight and pull thru. i signed up for tig last week and apparently there isnt any reply although everything is paid for. hopefully it doesnt turn out to be a scam. nike human race details turned out to be a KL run! ): when is the s'pore run coming? and i might have to give this yr's cyclohunt a miss. ): AHH i hoped things will turn better from next week onwards. happiness cn be so simple yet so unattainable at times.

gone and forever lost.

2010-08-31T19:09:00.004+08:00

seen too much. heard too much. and it has reached a saturation point.

yes, saturation point. dissolution had ceased. just like how the solid cn never mix with the solvent ever again. it has become a suspension. a 2 phase system. even if there's a propeller mixer to mix the suspension, it's a deflocculated suspension. the resistance to mix just gets greater with each attempt to stir and mix. i just wish it will never reach supersaturation. ever.

there are too many plastic flowers. and too many ignorant remarks. i will never noe the face under tt mask. perhaps all is wounded and scarred. perhaps another single step will turn into a sin. perhaps the fortress is built to hide away all the unforgotten memories. watever the reason may be, there will always be a lighthouse. but the eyes are blinded. it will never be seen. and now, it's gone. and forever lost.

a new chapter

2010-08-29T13:54:00.002+08:00

if time and space could stand still, i wish to cycle around the world and enjoy nature's embrace.

when things get pretty mundane, it made me ponder at times whether this is really the life tt u really want. i guess it's pretty normal at times to feel this way since there will be times when we just feel really really tired at wat we are doing. hopefully i will be alright again after some icecream therapy. another week is ending and i made up my mind to run for nusps treasurer on thurs night after a really really long thought. it's really smth new tt i have never try b4 in my entire life - elections. and i need to make a rallying video to convince pple to vote for me. i understand fully tt in every election, there are bound to be competitions. so regardless of whether i will get the post or not, i will just try my best for now. (:

i finally resume my running on friday after so loooong. after nt running for so looong, everything seemed to be back to square one! ): i need to train and train again. nike human race is waiting for me! ran with jh and cheryl and we had a long chat at the steps along the track after our run. it's gd catching up with them and i noe things are nt really the same anymore. there are shifts, jumps and hopping ard. it took me some time to get used to them too. but ultimately we are still pharmily. (:

days before storm

2010-08-24T21:55:00.004+08:00

it's the 3rd week oreadi! i realised i haven been updating this space for 2 weeks! lab is starting this thurs which means no more 4 schooling days and no more gg back home early on thurs. ): life has been great so far, leaving aside the schoolwork. dfd is driving me nuts. the many formulas, equations and wat not. i need surfactants to reduce tension oso! lifeforms turn out to be interesting. at least now i noe Big Bang is not just the korean band but the cosmological theory that explains beginning of life in the universe. HAHA.

aurigae outing!

we went to sing k at cck centre and had 2 extra hrs FREE! (:

rag comm lunch + s'pore flyer!

we slogged hard and had our rewards ytd at kuishinbo! (:

belief or naive

2010-08-10T20:20:00.004+08:00

today is the 1st day of school and i woke up LATE. luckily i caught the train and bus in time and didnt miss any part of the 1st lecture. there seemed to be so much problems gg on with my body. my left knee is cranky again and i had troubles bending my knee now. ): hopefully it will recover soon so tt i cn resume my running. i had terrible appetite recently too and i'm just eating for the sake of eating food. ): lectures had been okay so farr just tt i'm a little worried abt the sci gem i'm taking. ): it's freakky to have just 60 pple in a class and when the lecturer rambles on abt astrobiology wif u knowing nth abt it. hopefully everything will turn out better for the days to come. (:

it is at times like this when i start to ponder again how did it ever begin.

i knew all along and even better now that it was all useless, pointless, senseless and worthless.

i had been saved from drowning waters too soon and led into a daunting maze too quicky.

despite all tt happened, i chose to believe u had too much bad memories to start all over again.

♥ raggg forever!

2010-08-09T15:15:00.017+08:00

rag officially ended on 6 aug 2010. there were loads of emotions gg on within me and the rest of those who had worked hard and put their hearts and souls into this project. there were tears of joy, relief, excitement and reluctance. i had been waiting for D day for so long tt when it finally came, i felt tt everything happened too fast. it seemed like ytd when rag tentage was 1st set up. it seemed like ytd when i was still thinking abt props designs. it seemed like ytd when i was working late at night in the tentage, being chased by john and joanne to go home.

everyone used to ask me why did i even want to get involve in rag when my whole holidays will be burnt and tt my sleep will be sacrificed. i used to not have a real answer to the question. but now, i found the answer. it's the contentment and joy of knowing tt the dancers like the props i made for them and tt the designs i had in mind for my props on paper can become real in 3D, standing right in front of me. it's really a great deal of accomplishment and i do not regret taking up this project for i had suffered hardship to have rag memories etched in my mind forever.

i will miss rag. i will miss the days of suffering, sleepless and bathe-less nights. i will miss sleeping on the pellets, cutting CD bits, getting my hands and clothes dirty with paint, contact glue, glitter. when we were granted competing status 4 days b4 rag day, we had the whole pharmily working tgt to give our dragon a metamorphic change. although we did not win anything, we had fun working tgt and we all knew in our hearts tt we had accomplished smth greater than we ever thought we could. for that, i believe we had won over ourselves and we will return ever stronger next year. (:

the dancers with my props (:

all the dancers at the track.

the rich prince with barbell and bow (:

the princess locked up in the tower awaiting for the rescue of her prince.

the peasant prince piercing the belly of the fierce dragon (:

the witch brewing potions in the cauldron.

dancers posing (:

dancers posing for static display (:

the main float and my side props (:

PHARMILY!! (:

alright okay

2010-07-18T01:50:00.002+08:00

i am upset because:
1. my legs and arms have become the feasting ground for bugs.
2. the bug bites are freaking itchy and no amt of mopiko cn stop me from scratching.
3. which means there will be SCARS. ):
4. pimples are growing on the 2 edges of my face due to lack of sleep and stress.
5. i seem to have endless things to do and idk when i can complete them.
6. i still have no designs for potion shelf.
7. i have cuts on my legs from the wire mash.
8. which means there will be MORE SCARS. ): ):
9. i have to give night cycling a miss today.
10. i haven run since adidas sundown.

at times, i wondered why in the world am i working so hard to make things tt will be torn down eventually. but in the end, i will still make them to my best abilities and i noe i need to look away when they are really destroyed and thrown away. i guessed the process is most impt and knowing tt i could make all those things will be suffice to put smiles on my face.

thrown away.
but always in memories.

true blue

2010-07-17T00:35:00.004+08:00

days are passing like a bullet train. so fast tt i felt i haven really accomplished or done anything so far in the holidays except my rag props. everyday is back in school ragging and feeding the damn bugs in the tentage. i have so many freaking red itchy spots on my arms, elbows and legs. mopiko doesnt seem to work at all and i will hate to have scars all over. ): and i got burnt so frequent. almost every other day by either the glue gun or the thinner. and today, it's both. ): HAHA. i feel like i'm ranting my displeasure abt rag in this space. but other than all the bites and burns, rag is pretty okay and fun. get to know more frehsies and my own peers better. and it's great to see smth you drawn on the paper become 3D. (:

i hope i will be able to complete all my stuff within the next 2 weeks so at least i cn help out for the float. everyone has been helping me with the props and i feel i shld do smth in return as well. detailing designs for the potion shelf is nowhere to be seen. my a4 paper is STILL blank and white. hopefully i cn get it done over the weekends and start work next week. aesthetic display props is killing me. i could only complete 1 giant barbell today. i still have 2 farmforks. acha fight! i can complete them all by monday. HAHA.

smth away from rag: i had icecream buffet on wed! went to ion swensens and ate 6 scoops plus 2 cakes. ULTRA sinful. i really cnt imagine pple eating whipped cream on waffles and icecream. esp after knowing how whipped cream comes abt. the buffet was pretty okay but i will prefer main course buffets. more photos on the icecream buffet next time rd. (:

i know it wouldnt.

for sure.

updates!

2010-07-12T02:15:00.003+08:00

finally i am updating abt wat had happened recently. been really busy with rag so didnt have much time to blog. foc was fun and i realised the whole lot of fun i missed out for not attending last yr's foc. ): but well, i am glad i took up the ogl role and get to play those station, sports and war games with the freshies. had fun making new frens and knowing more abt my own peers during the camp. (: although aurigae came in last, the fun and bonding was the most impt. glad tt the ht-ht session with the freshies turn out well and they started to open up more. :D

AURIGAE! (:

SP nite aka FOC bash was the day after break camp. went to rag in the morning and rushed down to staff club to help set up the place for the freshies b4 they get to meet their sp. unfortunately, i brought the wrong set of clothes to change and had to borrow a dress from huiyi. fortunately, i was able to fit into the dress. just tt there was a hole at the back which made me SUPER uncomfortable. hahas. SP nite was fun with all the games and the food is pretty okay too. had loads of camwhoring thru out the nite and during the camp so much tt my fb photos are over 1k now. :D had to squeeze in bh's van back to ps room for rag meeting with the seniors b4 squeezing in the van all the way to holland v to meet up with aurigae for HAAGEN DAZ! (:

me and huiyi as table i/c with the freshies and their SP! (:

recently, it had been just ragging, ragging and more ragging. i feel tt i shld just install a bed in the tentage and sleep there everyday. travelling to and fro is really a chore especially since sch is so damn faaaar awayy from my house. night duty had begun and there are loads of bugs in the tentage. stress is building up since my farmforks, cauldron, treasure chest and barbells had nt been completed with detailing and my tiny brain just ran out of ideas. literally SQUEEZED DRY. the potion shelf is nt even build yet. AHHH. mai stress is wat i heard from alot of my peers and seniors and i noe exactly how to deal with the situation: handle it calmly and it will all be over soon. but reality is always different. i am a gan jiong spider so i will panic and be stress. sleep is limited and i am beginning to get angsty when the detailing designs doesnt go well. acha fight! another week is starting soon and i hope more things can be done.

u learnt the best only when u'd been thru the toughest.

worn

2010-07-10T01:37:00.002+08:00

time flies! june is over. it's july oreadi! rag tentage is up and the float structure arrived 2 days ago. rag has filled up majority of my time now. so much so tt i am deprived of sleep. ): i noe i need sleep but when so many props are not done, i just have the urge to chiong thru the night and try to complete everything asap. i noe i cnt keep manpower to myself esp since we have limited time to make the float strucutre. it has taken a toll on me mentally and physically. acha fight susan! i need to trust myself and the team. we will pull thru all this and make a spectacular performance on 6 aug. not much updates for now because i need to sleep.

i love my bed more than ever.

go away

2010-06-26T18:59:00.002+08:00

another week of rag and time is passing like a bullet train. started with the detailing of the props and am done with the shield and straw at least. gg back tmr morning for some touch up and colour selections in case the seniors want to do some ragging during foc week. now i noe, nothing is ever so easy. life now is like the half coloured lollipop; it's bittersweet. it's sweet to know tt there will always be a bunch of pple ard to help me out with the props but it's bitter when my tiny brain just cnt think of detailing designs. although we are non-competing, i really wan to do the best i cn for the props. and for the rag team so tt we cn be proud of ourselves at the end of the day. so i need to acha fight! and look thru the detailing of diff faculties in the previous years as reference. (:

completed personal taste today. it's a great k-drama! i love lee min-ho and son ye-jin combo! 16 epi of romance comedy to enjoy when u have nothing to do and just wan some entertainment. the ost is worth listening too. my music library is building up on korean songs now. i think there is close to 200 k-songs now. hahas. korean is the new POP! :D

i was posed a question ytd. and it made me wonder why such a question was posed in the 1st place. it came dawning on me tt i cnt mess with the grey. because if i do get trapped inside, i will be lost. or perhaps it was never meant to be grey. it had always been just black and white and i crossed the lines. so i shld white wash everything and let it return to the start. so that a new colour cn be added. yup. i am talking abt painting. just plain painting.

the good days will arise upon me! (:

cuts and bites

2010-06-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

i had been down for rag everyday since mon. alot of time is needed to make all the props. but i must say we are pretty efficient cos most of the structures are up. hopefully next week the painting and detailing for the major props can be done. (: time passes like a breeze when there is work to do. travelling cn be a chore but i guess there's always fun out of everything. listening to the rag comm pple joking and seeing the props getting done one by one day by day is satisfying.

i seemed to be hard up for ideas on the props building but luckily there is always pple ard to offer their suggestions. i'm really grateful for all their help. i cn just die if i have to build all the props by myself.

recently, i keep having craving for banana muffin. keep wanting to eat banana walnut muffin after lunch but the spinelli at sci's ALWAYS dont have the muffin although it's in their menu. =.= and i am having cuts and bites! cuts on my hands from tin cans and bites from the darn mosquitoes outside ps room. the mosquitoes coil doesnt seem to be working and we couldnt find the lighter to light the coil today.

baking on saturday!! i cnt wait to make my own banana muffin! :D more photos of tt in the next entry! (:

more fun

2010-06-13T15:57:00.006+08:00

had another awesome week! holidays just made time past really fast. it's the 2nd week of june oreadi. ): some quick updates abt wat i did:

BAKING!

i finally tried baking after so long. it was really fun! i enjoyed every bit of it (: baking was over at joanne's hse and we had the entire kitchen to ourselves. i tried seperating egg white from egg yolk which i used to only see it in the tv baking shows. NOT EASY. need to have skill. we oso got a little ambitious; we wanted to bake tiramisu, fudge cake with mango freeze and hot chocolate ganache cake. but we ended up managing to bake only tiramisu. HAHA.

trying so hard to seperate the egg white from yolk

that i dont have time to pose! hahas.

TA-DA! our tiramisu after an afternoon of hardwork. (:

YUM CHA!

went for yum cha buffet with maye, qp and joanne on thurs. although i didnt eat my breakfast, i was full after 1 round of eating. couldnt eat as much as the last time i went. ): i didnt eat as much xiao long baos as last time too. hahas.

FOOD!

we went plaza sing to window shop before killers movie after the buffet. tried out alot of different kinds of clothes and camwhore in the dressing room. LOL. killers movie was hilarious. enjoyed! (:

KBOX!

went k session with cand, ken and russ ytd. finally get to sing after so long. the k staff was trying hard to promote this student promo card to me which will expire in 30 june. perhaps tt's why she didnt accept my k member card. had dinner at sumo house with cand and ken. and i ate my soya bean icecream cone! :D

rag is starting tmr! hopefully we can get all tt is needed to be done tmr. (:

i am powerful

2010-06-10T00:36:00.003+08:00

maybe it has all along been within me.
and today, i found the last straw to make me explode.

because i had never expected things to be this way.

so when they come one by one,

fear and anxiety set in.

how can i not be fearful.

when everything is new to me.

when even the closest is not there.

i know exactly what i need.

i need strength. courage. belief.

i need imagination. creativity. arty farty.

after a double scoop of cookies and cream,

i will tell myself.

a challenge is ahead.

i took it and will grit through it.

and believe because:

'our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but we are powerful beyond measure.'
-Marrianne Williamson

still having fun!

2010-06-08T13:05:00.002+08:00

last week was rather eventful and awesome. here's wat happened:

MON- pharmily BBQ

we had a BBQ over at boon kiang's condo. me and belle had a hard time trying to find the place. we walked twice to and fro the bus-stop and mrt station in the rain. we alighted too early and had to walk 1 bus-stop b4 we found the condo. and to reach the condo, we had to ascend up a slope. AND all this had to happen after my sundown marathon. my legs were chui ttm when we finally reached. i helped to bbq satays, otah and bread. but most of the satays were eaten by the pple sitting ard the bbq area. HAHA. played a few rounds of mahjong and i must say i was VERY luckily tt day. i think i won 3 rounds consecutively. left at ard 2200hr with larissa, belle and kerwin. LOL. we had a hilarious time on the bus and train.

TUE & WED

seriously, i think my brain is slowly rusting away. because no matter how hard i think, i couldnt rmb wat i did last tues and wed. WHAT DID I DO???

THURS & FRI- badminton & stayover!

nonono, i did not forget wat i did these 2 days again. HAHA. had bmt session with evan and rachel in the morn and went to maye's for overnight mahjong session! had a great zi char dinner near her house. i'm mising the cereal prawns oreadi! i did the most sinnful thing: ate cup noddles at 0200hr. damn. i still couldnt figure out wat made me do tt. i need to RUN RUN RUN. continue the mahjong session with maye and joanne after a heavy lunch the next day. we went to the extent of using touch to decipher the tile and deciding whether we want it or not. and becos of tt, i missed my chance of winning the game! it was tiring but FUN! (:

SAT- paint a house + 4e8 gathering + prawning

saturday was prolly the longest day i ever had for weeks. went all the way to tampines to paint a home with candice, rachel, jielin, qi xuan and a bunch of other pple. my grp was in charge of painting the corridors. we whitewashed it twice before putting pink paint. although i never fancy pink, the effect turn out to be great! i think everyone there did an awesome job! the lunch was FREE and good! i ended up eating 4 extra pieces of chicken in exchange of 2 doughsticks. great deal eh! :D a singing competition was organised for the elderly and we were there to witness their singing. LOL. it was a unique experience. went off at 1750hr to rachel's hse for a shower b4 meeting 4e8 at db's fish & co. went off with esther and terk ming to meet yushan for prawning at bishan. we missed the last bus and had to hail a cab. walked a few rds b4 finding a spot to prawn. we were rather unlucky tt day. onli caught 5 prawns! but the satays and snacks from esther's sis stall tasted nice. damn. ANOTHER sinnful thing. RUN RUN RUN.

i managed to catch my 1st prawn after waiting for 15 mins. :D

without.

2010-06-03T01:12:00.005+08:00

when pple ard me seem to be falling apart, i cannot help but feel upset too.

i guess we just have to rmb that they will always be a part of us. in our memories.

whatever reason it may be, leave behind the grudges and pain.

and only rmb the sweetest.

so that we will smile even if it aches.

dont even try to forget.

because we never will.

so turn them into energy and strength.

for you to continue walking.

and you will find him again.

a different and better him.

what happened to me.

2010-06-01T00:59:00.011+08:00

i realised it has been extremely looooong since i posted photos of myself in my blog. so,i shall do them in this entry! (:

1st up: ADIDAS SUNDOWN MARATHON!

i couldnt believe i could run 10km. so i am proud of myself! next up, nike human race! :D

i hope one day i cn run a full 42km marathon. but before that, i will need loads and loads of training and my left knee is oreadi showing some signs of strain and pain. glucosamine please show ur effect!!

saw cheryl and junhao while queueing up for shuttle bus.

saw them again after the run.

we are fated to see one another! :D

then: FOC DRY RUN!

FOC dry run was held in sch from 26-27 may. went thru almost all the games and amazing race so tt we cn familiarise ourselves with the games and improve on them. aurigae combined og with hadaro. and i was made the psuedo ogl for the pseudo og along with qi xuan. overall, the 2 days were tiring, tiring, tiring but fun! (: we went ard town, ate free icecream and played mahjong cards the whole night. i even tried painting flag till midnight and bathe in src girls toilet alone in midnight.

our pseudo og at suntec fountain of wealth!

we were the AMAZING grp tt completed all the stns (:

flag drawing!

we drew the flag during the break.

Polaris, HAdaro, Aurigae, Cyclio ogls and rovers! (:

and: SUAN THAI BUFFET!

met up with the pharm peeps to celebrate cheryl's birthday! the thai food was nt bad but i think it's quite ex. before tt was race pack collection at raffles city. i queued for 1 HOUR with belle. the queue was super looooooong. all the way to the escalator from the atrium. tt was nt the main point. the main point was tt i missed seeing shawn chen although he walked past me twice at the direction i was looking. BUT i just couldnt see him in the crowd. LOL.

group photo!

finally: HONG KONG!!!

finally i showed some photos of me gg HK. unlike the other time when i went taiwan, i didnt do detailed day-by-day entries anymore. cos it just take too much of my time and all the photos are available on facebook. so i just took some of the group photos! (: HK is really an expensive city. i must repeat this. but the food there are ultra nice esp DESSERTS and DIM SUM!

our first day at HK!

at ocean park!
the rides were crazy but i cn see tt pple have fun.
and it is super ex to go in. HKD 350.
so it's better tt u play the rides. HAHA.

at lantau island!
super cooling weather up there! (:

the BIG BUDDHA!

ya. we were THAT CLOSE to the Buddha.

but there was too much mist. ):

yup. was pretty much occupied with stuff to do. rag work is starting like next week oreadi. time really fly. it's JUNE oreadi. although i felt as if i only rested a few days.
my rape of nanking and jodi picoult books are lying comfortably on my table. not touched for many days. too busy with rag props designs recently. cracking my brain to think out of the box to use materials to make the props. i even thought of outrageous items like toilet bowl cover. LOL. think BK will faint when he sees my material list. hahas.

buffet tmr! and buffet again on thurs! DAMN. i am feeling fat oreadi. need more running and badminton. and i cannot wait for MAHJONG this thurs!! we're playing overnight again! WOOTS! (:

change.

2010-05-25T00:43:00.002+08:00

when i realised everyone is changing, has changed and changed.

things will never stay the way u wanted them to.

just like how there is never everlasting. never forever.

when we move on, we meet new people, know new things and we constantly move on.

thinking back, i had done enough to keep everyone tgt.

i hope and wish to continue on.

i will still do and will continue.

but i will not persist anymore.

because change is a part and parcel of life.

we need change in our life to grow, to experience and to learn.

and i will learn to change too.

because people come and go.

and those who truly stay will be worth remembering.

embrace.

2010-05-21T13:04:00.002+08:00

i'm bored.
when there isnt time, i complained.
when there is too much time, i complain again.
i guess there cnt be too much or too little of everything.

PING PING PIANG PIANG.

POMP. POMP. POMP.

DRILL. DRILL. DRILL.

the construction in front of my house is getting noiser by each day.

it has become my alarm clock.

but i still donno wat they are trying to build.

it just bulldozers, sand, workers, cranes, boulders tt i see.

went to borrow a few books to keep my brain from rusting away.
finally get to read the rape of nanking. heard tt it's a pretty gd book.
shall read on and share when i'm done with it! (:
but there isnt any forensic book ard to capture my attention this time ard. ):
oh well, there is 1 but the title says: mind to kill.
and i wouldnt carry it ard on the mrt train.

JOB MONEY JOB MONEY.
i need you.
i have been searching thru classified ads for the past few days.
nt of anything i cn find at the moment which cn fit my blizzard schedule.
but then again, my evil twin keeps telling me since i will be workin for the rest of my life,
why bother looking for a job nw?
i am so caught in between.

adidas sundown is less than 10 days.
*gasp* i need to train.
because i dont want to waste such a gd opportunity.
because i want to make it to the finishing line wif no regrets.
and discipline is wat i nid at the moment.
ACHA FIGHT!

listen.

2010-05-15T17:38:00.003+08:00

i can only say

M.I.S.U.N.D.E.R.S.T.O.O.D.

because if you bother to listen.

you will know why.

smile more.

embrace more.

then and perhaps,

people can accept it more.

broke but contented.

2010-05-14T15:30:00.005+08:00

i'm back!!!

hong kong trip is awesome.

tt's why travelling never fails to surprise me.

there is so many things to see, to feel and to experience. (:

although i am officially broke from all the shopping, it's all worthwhile.

at least nw i cn tell pple i have watched hk's symphony of lights, trek past the avenue of stars, took a gondola ride in the venetian macau, witness the ruins of st paul's church in macau, had cable car rides to lantau island and saw the big buddha, cleared crazy rides in ocean park, experienced the cold breeze and amazing lights at the peak, rode ding ding from causeway bay to central, shopped through the ladies market and malls, ate all the amazing dim sum, desserts and specialty dishes in hk.

the only regret is i didnt get to try the seafood in hk!! and i was coughing throughout the trip. despite tt, i didnt avoid all the chicken, mango desserts and still continue eating! too many good food to tempt me. and i cnt resist all the temptations!

hongkong is really a city that never sleeps. their markets are open till midnight. some of their restaurants open up to 0100/0200hr in the morning. and a city that loves to WALK. omg. there are like up to exit P in tsim sha tsui mtr station alone. and e distance btw each exit is so long tt there is even flat escalator to aid us in walking. i can only say, after walking back and forth for countless times, the walk from cityhall stn to marina square seems to be an ease for me now. hahas. and in hk, u have to stand on the right side for pple rushing for time to fly down on the left side. i had this so stuck in my head tt i stood on the right side even in changi escalator. LOL. i tried speaking cantonese and apparently their version is slightly different and sometimes they talk really fast and i cnt even understand. :/

the food is the most awesome there! their mango desserts are all superb and ultra nice! dim sum and congee is great too! but due to shortage of money, we had a few meals of macs. their grilled chicken burger is great. cnt find in singapore though. speaking of which, hk is also a VERY expensive city to live in. the airport express from airport to our hotel alone is HKD90. tt's like SGD18. and the mtr transport as well. we had to top up our octopus card once every few days. the clothes in the malls aint tt cheap as well. i settle mine only in factory outlets stores. ferry rides to macau are HKD 350 and to ocean park HKD250. EXPENSIVE RIGHT!!! but oh well, it nt so hard to part with foreign currency. i spent like HKD 4200 there. tt is still excludin the air tickets and accomodation. EXPENSIVE. EXPENSIVE. EXPENSIVE.

hk is over.

next up, adidas sundown,rag and foc!

i need to get rid of my inertia and start running.

someone please drag me to the track!!!

rag designs deadline: next mon.

i better hurry go finish up my props designs.

cherish.

2010-05-03T21:50:00.003+08:00

when everything ends, emptiness starts to sink in.
when time is in your hand, boredom intrudes in.
when there left only absence, cherish came back to your mind.

even if you held them once in your hands, they are no longer yours.
do not learn to regret.
learn to forget.
do not learn to neglect.
learn to cherish.

HAHA. wondering why i wrote those stuff?
well, just a piece of my mind. nothing else in particular.
now that i have all the time of the world, my mind starts to drift off.
although only 3 days past, i felt tt i had done almost everything i want to.

i hope i am not having any withdrawal syndromes from all the freedom i am having.
cos when u get trapped for too long, release may not be the best solution.

hong kong trip is coming!!!
i will play and have loads of fun.
i will shop and eat all i can.
i will treat myself well.
i will cherish.
i will laugh.
and find back myself.

smell the freedom.

2010-04-29T23:59:00.002+08:00

IT'S OVER!

i had my freedom since 1902hr today.

life, i am coming back to embrace you again.

although i have been waiting all sem for today, i didnt feel all that excited when it finally came.

wat an irony huh. LOL.

many things are on my mind now.

SLEEP is definitely my priority.

i think i need many many eye mask now.

and i need to readjust my biological clock and stop being nocturnal.

i wan to stop waking up in the middle of the night from shock.

i wan to sleep for 12 hours straight and just laze on my bed when i wake up tmr.

i wan to embrace every morning without feeling sleepy and groggy.

i wan to stay up late and watch all my favourite videos.

i wan to be able to watch tv with peace and nt feel guilty.

i wan to sit in front of my desk and stare into blank space.

i wan to eat brunch in front of the tv without having to worry about the time.

hahas yes. i just wan to do simple things like this.

things which i hadnt been able to very long.

i smell the freedom.

and am loving every sec of it. (:

worn.

2010-04-24T19:18:00.004+08:00

ya. i noe i said my next post will be after liberation day. but well, i need to find an outlet to vent out everything. it's driving me crazy. why am i putting myself into such a situation?

WHY?

ah. stop your procastination and go back to ur books.

and when everything ends,

i will seriously ponder through everything right from the start again.

i will wait for H-day

2010-03-26T21:18:00.005+08:00

*i just need to put myself inside the photo. HAHA.*

yup. now is the time of the sem where things start to get jittery and panicky. and i shall make this my last post before 29 april 2010 too. recently, things had been pretty mundane. i wonder why my life is this way at times.

helped out at health bazaar on mon and got to make my own cotton candy! it's actually pretty simple: i just need to put sugar into a small container in the centre of the machine and switch the on button. gettin the cotton candy onto the chopstick is abit challenging though. i need to move the chopstick arond the circumference and constantly twirl it. but i had fun making! (: helped the welfare peeps sold 9 auction tickets as well. and it's all to pharmily. LOL.

hongkong trip is booked! :D it is my only motivation from now till 29 april 2010. nothing beats gg back hometown after 19 long years i guess. HAHA.

running is CANCELLED this wk again due to the blizzard and unpredictable weather. i hadnt run for weeks. ): went asian kitchen instead with tong, maye and qp. and i ate xiaolongbaoz! when i just vowed never to eat again for another 2 mths and only 2 wks past. LOL. we had a great time dinning and talked about everything under the sun. about childhood times when we cried and throw tantrums when being forced to do things that we dont like to. we could even linked on to ethical issues about abortions and i felt tt our conversion suddenly turned highly intellectual. HAHA. but it's always fun having dinner with them and there wouldnt be any awkward silence! (:

bahaha oral and final exams is ard the corner. *nervous* especially when there is listening comprehension. hopefully i wont stone after hearing the convos. many many many many things to post-stick into my mind. i wished i could make them all into solutions and drink them for better, faster and more efficient absorption. tt's why i could only rely on my visit back to hometown to make me survive through this gruelling period.

i just need to do whatever i can.
even if it fails me again.

transition state

2010-03-20T00:24:00.005+08:00

1 week passed. and many things happened within the week. besides the mundane lecures, tutorials, assignments and gastric relapses, there was the ogl interview, rag comm meeting with prof chan and prof chui, hilarious angklung practice session and indonesia night!

i passed the ogl interview! :D despite giving them the jack and the beanstalk story when they were asking about jack and jill. LOL.
here's what happened then:
deren: why did jack and jill run up the hill?
me: erm. huh. i forgot le leh. hmm is it smth like they climb up the beanstalk to a house in the sky and steal some golden eggs?
[there was a sudden of awkward silence after my reply]
kwee han: erm. hahas. i think wrong story leh. tt one is jack and the beanstalk. they run up to fetch a pill of water.
me: HAHA! OOPS. sorry sorry! [embarrassed]
[everyone else burst into laughter]

rag comm meeting cum lunch with the 2 profs was kinda awkward. charmaine and i exchanged glances and smiled to each other everytime we broke out into total silence. LOL. i didnt have much to talk abt and john was doing most of the talking, filling in them with our current plans abt the story and float. so i concentrated on eating my lunch and try not to break the fork while cutting the chicken after seeing nick broke 3 consecutively. HAHA! the fieldtrip following the meeting was HORRIBLE. cos i was carrying loads of stuff, wearing the wrong pair of shoes and it was RAINING. i was also having a hard time trying to listen to prof lu speak with 60-70 pple crowding ard him. and because of the rain, i had to cancel my run. ):

the angklung session was hilarious as usual but we sorta screwed up the performance during indo nite just nw because all of us forgot some of the notes during the middle of the performance. brandon (our conductor) even had to resort to humming the tune to us so we noe how to continue playing. LOL. but i guess most imptly, all of us had fun throughout the project and we learnt that teamwork is really impt in order to play a good piece. the indo drama was hilarious as well and the makanan kecil prepared by the memasak teams were superb! i had many rds of eating. heh. we also get to see the various wedding and traditional costumes from different parts of indonesia. all of them were really nice with some being intricately designed.

it's time to return to where it orignally begins. i will wave goodbye.

it will get better

2010-03-12T21:53:00.008+08:00

TODAY- BURNT AND HUNGRY.

today is a terrible day because:

1. i woke up in a fluster after receiving junhao's call and rushed all the way to school when tutorial started much much later.

2. there was no lunch and dinner for me at home as everyone was out. and in my attempt to cook porridge, the stoves caught fire.

3. i had to spend 1hour trying to scrub away the burnt and melted plastic covers on the unused stoves tt caught fire, sweep away all the ashes flying all over the kitchen and face the music from my mum.

4. wat's worse, even the lighter got burnt and i couldnt start any fire to continue cooking my porridge. ):

tian, give me some shower of blessings. i'm really in need of them now. ):

THURS- FRISBEE AND XLB BUFFET

mid terms are finally over after 3 gruelling weeks! so i went to play frisbee with pharmily ytd after class at 1800hr. although our team came in last but we still enjoyed playing and had fun! (: went for xiaolongbaoz buffet at holland v crystal jade after the game. too many pple turned up for the buffet and there were nt enuff seats. felt pretty bad and wanted to leave initially since i onli cfm attendance with qx the day before. and they had to put beef in the sucky soup base cos i couldnt take beef. sorry pple! ):

the double soup base.

xiaolongbaoz! (:

we ordered tonnes of beef and dumped everything down the soup

since there werent enuf time for us to eat.

*BEEFY*

stacking xiaolongbaoz!

we had 15 xlb each.

after putting the last one in my mouth, i think

i wouldnt touch another one for at least 2 months. HAHA.

this is wat happened when kheng yong, qi xuan n nick

try stuffin 2 xlb in their mouth at 1 go. HAHA.

the gross looking soup!!

it looks like a 2 phase system. we could have brought it

back to phy pharm lab to do a seperation

and calculate its partition coefficient. LOL.

drifting to nowhere.

maybe i'm trying too hard.

but it aint easy.

to step away from the comfort zone.

i need time still.

colour

2010-03-06T22:43:00.007+08:00

can i live to see the rainbow?

cause now all that i see is the gloomy sky.

i try hard to tell myself.

just grit it through.

because you will have your silver lining soon.

or perhaps i have not accustomed to all these.

or maybe i'm just not suited for all these.

what do you want?

what do you see?

i just need an assurance.

because sometimes, i feel like i'm living in agony.

when the passion failed to ignite,

i just need to go back and believe in the very start.

that the road ahead may look all gloomy and uncertain.

but you will have all the rainbows to colour them. (:

fly away

2010-03-04T22:19:00.002+08:00

it is at such times when i wish i could be one of the balloons up there.
to be set free to roam around the world.
because when things turned ugly, pointless and revolting,
you just feel like perhaps being a non-living thing may nt be so bad after all.

but the last thing tt i ever want to be is a drug tablet.
because i DONT WANT to experience fick and flux myself.
LOL. look at wat diffusion had done to me.
argh. i had enough of that stupid process. ):

2 major upcoming events which i wouldnt have the wealth to watch:
1. jam hsiao mr rock concert - 13 march
2. jang geun suk fan meeting- 24 april
argh. it just sucks when they are both HERE and i cannot go to any. ):
tian, please drop me some money.

life is so not good recently.
gastric is also acting up more frequently now.
and not to mention the 2 new tenants on my face.
i hoped they move out soon! ):

and i came to realise 3 things.
NUMBER ONE: that it doesnt really matter how much is put in.
but wat matters most is how you put it in.
so sowing the seeds does not guarantee a harvest.
so it is getting totally draining for me.

NUMBER TWO: cherish life.
it hurts even for a complete stranger like me.
so i guess it must really hurt alot for ur family and urself.
tt this happens at the prime of ur regime.
ACHA FIGHT! pharmily will be there for u! (:
and this further lead me to acertain why it has to be oncology for me.

NUMBER THREE: keep things simple and natural.
why too much is processed, it might just complicate stuff.

why why why

2010-03-02T22:30:00.003+08:00

fick flux.

flux fick.

why bother when it will ALL eventually be reduced to NOTHING?

do i need to tell my patients:

auntie, the diazepam will flow through ur lumen and based on the fick second law of diffusion, it will diffuse completely by x sec?

i will probably have received a cold shoulder and a hard stare by them then.

then WHY?

WHY AM I LEARNING FICK'S LAW AND DEALING WITH THE FICKLE-MINDED FLUX?

too much thoughts

2010-02-18T00:44:00.004+08:00

it seems surreal. and i want to run away.
tell me that i am wrong.
because i can no longer tell that to myself.

if i could let it be, i will let it be.
i will send you off without having to wave goodbye.

no. i am not looking into the past.
i am just looking beneath your smile.

addiction to _ _ _ _

2010-02-12T20:52:00.004+08:00

CNY is coming in 2 days time! and yet, i couldnt feel any excitement and hadnt been able to immerse myself into the new year mood. WHY? because mid terms are right after the recess week which HAPPENS to fall on the cny week. what a great schedule planning done by the nus staff. ): and conicidentally, valentine day fall on first day of new year. hahas happened to come across this cute picture. TABLETS and CAPSULES for valentine day! HAHA.

had a super hectic week. i simply abhor odd weeks because of 3 things:
1. i will have to wear jeans for 3/5 days.
2. i will have to wear the blisters proned covered shoes for 3/5 days.
3. i will have lessons for 10 straight hours without break on thursdays.

yup. tt's wat i went through for this week. i even had to run downhill with my heavy bag and the blister proned shoes in order to catch the right bus in time for the next lesson. WHY did i even bother pushing and squeezing everything into a single day? got super chui by 1800hr and i was dragging myself down to the track. i was actually pretty glad tt there was interhall track and field meet so i dont have to run my 5km tt day. hee. :D

NO MORE KOREA! cos there was a sudden change of plans and APPS suddenly have limited quotas and i didnt sign up in time. ): oh well, i cn save up the money for treks and travelling next time! and i wouldnt have to feel guilty leaving my rag team behind during the crucial period now. (: speaking of which, we had our very 1st rag meeting on wed this week! i was quite excited abt the rag run which was raised up. hopefully the actual event will be executed out!

received email from deren abt the ogl selection. went thru the questions, answered them and keeping fingers cross! hahas.

went for cycledelic bike quest last sat with maye, qp and tong. hahas i think we cn officially form our nite cycling clique. it's always the four of us. (: we were kinda late cos i was late again. hahas. reached there jus in time to get the bright yellow singlet tees which we wore over our shirts. after the briefing, we went off to macs to discuss the route. cycledelic is way different from rovers' cyclohunt. we had to wear the singlets and helmets and the stations were a lot more complicated. ): nonetheless, we still had fun roaming ard the island in the night and we even chiong all the way to bedok reservoir from siglap park connector jus so we could reach in time to get points. and most importantly, all of us had fun and i gt my chapter 2 voucher! (:

the yearly affair, the first big two and the welcome dinner

2010-02-05T15:15:00.016+08:00

2 feb- häagen-dazs + welcome dinner

lessons ended at 1200hr on tues and i nua-ed in sch for 3 hrs b4 meeting qi xuan n meijun for vivo. parted with meijun at vivo stn and both of us went to join carin, gareth, ashley, deren, belinda, kheng yong, wax and huiyi at Häagen-Dazs for ICE CREAM! ♥ we ordered a choc fondue and 10 scoops of icecream. and it oreadi cost us 104 bucks. if not for the 80 buck vouchers won from the inter-fac captain ball, i doubt any of us will walk in to eat icecream at all. hahas. went back to sch again and met cand b4 heading back to vivo AGAIN for dinner. met up with russ, ken and amy b4 heading to kim gary for dinner. (:

russ, ken, me and cand.

30 jan- 09 REUNION DINNER + qp's 20th

had my 2nd steamboat of the month last sat with the 09 peeps. it was our annual reunion dinner and we chose to have steamboat at bugis- xian de lai instead of zhen fa like last yr. 11 peeps turned up for the dinner and we had loads of fun laughing over random stuff and jus catching up with each other. these bunch of pple never fail to keep me entertained! hahas. we sat there from 1800-2030hr and i never stop eating for the whole 2.5hrs. FAT. we went over to iluma rooftop after dinner where tong and jo had themselves 'ambushed' for the 'surprised' birthday celebration for qp. LOL. the wind was super strong at the rooftop and ryan had a hard time tryin to light the candles. there were also fireworks display tt night. sang the song, cut the cake and we played open numbers so that the unlucky ones will finish off the cake. i was very lucky to escape from the last piece and maye gt her retribution for piling all the cream on tt last piece. HAHA.

and we had some hilarious camwhoring sessions before heading home. (:

at xian de lai while waiting for the stamboat.

eating. eating. eating.

group photo!

from left bottom clockwise: qp, maye, cand, me, min, belle,
ryan, ee huai, ken, amy and shina (:

qp's birthday cake!

and it looks jus like her!

the all-gals photo.

HAHA. this is the classic photo of the day.

presenting: GIRLS GENERATION 2010.

we forced the 3 guys to do the g-gen poses and

we even received stares from one passer-by while taking the photo.

group photo! (:

run a race

2010-01-29T14:15:00.005+08:00

went for a run ytd evening after indo lessons with qp in sch. the track was kinda crowded with the med and law pple. apparently they were competing some track events with each other. the weather was nice for running and it feels good to hit the tracks again. 5.2km! (: i jus gotta accomplish the other 4.8km and improve my timing. had a drink at yih with qp after the run b4 heading home.

rovers is planning a mount kinabalu trip in the hols from 10-15jun! i gt pretty excited but tt was b4 knowing how much the trip cost. 800 BUCKS. =.= this trip will be slightly different bcos they incoporated touring after descend and there is hot spring too. i hope they have some other trekking events which will cost lesser. and kinabula seems too much for an amateur.

09 reunion dinner is tmr! hopefully the total strength willl be more than 10. this maybe the onli event for this semester. but i'll continue to do my best to stick us tgt for the long break hols. (:

even i'm not so sure anymore.

sucky monday

2010-01-25T15:30:00.002+08:00

today is a bad monday.

because:

1. i have to crawl out of bed by 0600hr.

2. the lecturer for the 1st lecture speeded through and talked in his own world.

3. i was bombarded with formulaes for the subsequent lecture.

4. i had gastric on my way to tutorial in return for skipping breakfast.

5. i had a tasteless sardine sandwich for lunch.

6. i sat in the tutorial room for 30 mins before knowing that there isnt any tutorial class at all.

7. i walked 1 big rd to check with the adminstration for the cancellation of tutorial but they were all out for lunch.

8. i wanted to drink mango-carrot fruit juice very badly today but the queue is damn loong.

9. i didnt run my 5km today.

10. i officially lost my photos in transition.

may tomorrow be a better day.

random updates

2010-01-24T17:03:00.007+08:00

i gt fed up why the images i took on thurs family swensens dinner didnt appear on my desktop although my phone is usb connected to my lappie. so i googled: random images. and absent-mindedly clicked on pg 7 of the search result. and this image caught my eyes.

u may not believe it but the source of this image was a research paper. it is one of the 4 basic types of social network models presented in the paper. and it is called: RANDOM network. yup i didnt want a wordy post again so i jus gt a picture to make up for my faulty phone for the moment. ):

2nd week is ending. everything is gg on pretty ok but once tutorials and practicals begin next week, there will be increasing workload. there are loads of upcoming activities like FOC, RAG, IPSF and APPS. and to fulfill the promise made to yoong wend, i took up the props ic post for this yr rag comm. and belle is officially the chief designer. LOL. i hope everything will go well and hopefully john can find pple to fill up the rest of the rag comm posts in time. despite tt, i still hope i cn go for APPS cos it will be held in KOREA this yr!! so i am crossing my fingers at the moment. (: i signed up for FASS cyclopedic bikequest 2010 and adidas sundown 2010 too. so gotta train more for the 10km run. cos i realised i could barely run 5km now. ): TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN! and all the signing ups is making me dead-broke. not to forget the swensens dinner and shopping on thurs; i spent abt 50 bucks jus in that few hours. i need money and CNY is coming! i need more angpaos to help me tide through the month at least. hahas.

and i still think. still search. and i noe it wouldnt go away so easily.

maybe u just need to do smth for me to retreat.

will you?

wat happened in sch

2010-01-19T17:06:00.022+08:00

times flies and it's oreadi the 2nd week of sch. lectures had been pretty ok till now. not undergoing any confusion as serious as tt in sem 1 ppda. hahas. tut balloting is giving me loads of headache and dilemma. hopefully i cn still get the slot i wan. thanks to belle and qi xuan for the many help.!!

11 jan- 1st day of sch! (:

had lectures from 0800-1200hr. and a 6 HRS BREAK before having bahasa indo introductory lecture. so me and belle stonned in the library and ended up looking at a really cool book titled: paediatric facial diagnostic. and as usual, familiar faces are spotted in the libary. and some were oreadi reading textbooks. =S both of us gt so bored tt we went to visit the raffles biodiversity museum 1 storey below the lib. and we gt pretty freaked out of the 'wide range og biodiversity' there. HAHA. belle was sweet enuff to save me a piece of the apple compound cake she baked on sat. and the cake taste superb! she is really a good baker. hahas. (:

the apple cake! (:

13 jan- min and cand's visit

min and cand came down to nus to meet us for lunch! we all had jap food while belle stuck to the soup. hahas. went to the raffles museum despite much warning and in the end, onli cand was amazed with the 'wide range of biodversity'. HAHA. took shuttle bus to engine for macs. and had TWISTER FRIES! (: after a loong chat at macs, we headed home while cand return back to ntu for her vcf.

14 jan- CRYSTAL JADE STEAMBOAT!

met up with maye for lunch and we stonned at fass canteen watchin kangxi while waiting for qp to end her perfumes lect. kaiyi came down to look for us at the canteen after lect. qp, maye n me took 963 to woodlands int. it was a damn looong ride and e bus was packed. almost fell down in the bus a few times with the heavy notes i was lugging with me. met up with tong and phe and decided to eat crystal jade steamboat.

our double soup base- porridge and pork ribs. (:

camwhoring while waiitng for the food!

we had limited prawns. 100g per person. ):

and the prawns were still alive when it was served on the plates to us.

felt sinful when i dropped them into the soup.

our FOOD!

the sour plum drink totally tasted like medicine.

so phe gt her drink changed to sprite. hahas.

we gt really bloated after all the food.

after roaming causeway for awhile, we all headed home.

and camwhore in the train. HAHA.

me and tong (:

me and maye (:

15 jan- don's farewell
gt news tt don accepted the scholarship and he is heading to australian national uni to study life sci. so our clique had a farewell lunch with him after our LSM lect.

we bought these cute clay whistles at the booth

outside the LT. they were really CUTE! ♥

from left to right: belle, me, qixuan, jason, larri,

jielin, rachel, cheryl, junhao, elijah and don. (:

loved this photo! (:

group photo!

HAHA. we even camwhore at the bus stop

on our way to pgp for zi char lunch.

our zi char lunch! (:

hahas. we played open numbers to see who will

clear all the plates. and JH was the lucky soul.

set a self timer on my camera phone and placed

the phone on a bench. BUT it dropped 3 times

before we finally took this photo. HAHA.

16 jan- CHILLIS DINNER

met up with the pharm peeps again for dinner at tanglin mall for dinner. surprisingly i was early and we waited 30mins b4 setting off. the burger at chillis' were really HUGE. i KO-ed after eating slightly more than 1/2 of the burger. hahas. but the apple icecream tart tt jielin ordered was superb! i couldnt stop eating it although i was oreadi damn full. HAHA. the met up was meant to be a make up 19th and 21st birthday celebration for jielin, jh and me. but all 3 of us pointed the candled dessert tt the waitress was holding to rachel since her bade is the nearest. hahas. tt was a funny scene.

the birthday peeps!

although my birthday is looong over. hahas.

everyone gt really full and had no more space for the dessert.

i cleared the icecream and left the choco cake to the rest. hahas.

walked back to orchard and jh, larri and cheryl left.

the rest of us headed to shaw for tickets for daybreakers.

it was sold out and we tried our luck at cineleisure and the cathay too.

in the end, we sat at the fountain of the cathay and

chatted b4 heading home.

five pharmacists went out to play!

2010-01-17T14:04:00.065+08:00

3 jan- golden mile complex

packed my luggage in the afternoon and headed down to lavender stn to meet the rest at 2100hr. it was a loong loong ride and unexpectedly i was the earliest. hahas. waited till 2130hr for the rest and we lugged our heavy stuff and walked to the complex to wait for our coach. the coach was supposed to set off at 2230hr BUT we waited for over an hour to board the coach. i was fast asleep on the coach and woke up a few times for toilet break. and before we knew it, it was morning and we reached cameron highlands! (:

4th jan- cameron highlands

we signed up for a tour farm package ard cameron but i guess we were all enticed by the steamboat dinner in the package. HAHA. cool breeze greeted us once we stepped out of the coach for breakfast. we went to a hong kong cafe and i had kaya bread and herbal tea. it started to drizzle when we were returning back to the coach. after 10mins ride, we reached equitorial hotel where we had our 1st nite stay. (:

at cameron! (:

waiting to check in.

in the hotel room.

hahas we had this taken secretly while qi xuan was in the toilet.

we had our own tour near the hotel and found some stalls and small flea markets.

had lunch at a chinese restaurant.

OUR FOOD! (:
i tried their strawberry milk tea which tasted great.

strawberry obsession!

the stalls there were selling all different types of strawberry items.

strawberry hair accessories, stationery, bags, ornaments etc.

we played pool at the hotel lobby while waiting for the tour van.

and we were off to the 1st farm. (:

how i wished this is my farm. LOL.

group photo!

another group photo!

i wore the wrong pair of shoes tt day.

i wore pumps tt have patterned holes.

so they were filled with the nua nua mud since tt was drizzle. HAHA.

in the van.

to our next destination! :D

we went to cactus farm and saw loads of cactus.

EMO shot. hahas.

there were these cute round cactus.

stopped for a rest after walking for some time.

and we saw these wig-like potted plants.

e photo failed cos we were supposed to look like we wore wigs.
LOL.

this was NOT rehearsed at all.

it was supposed to be jus a shot of jielin and me.

but qx managed to capture it with rachel n eileen EMOing at the back.

and there was this GIANT cactus.

bet it can feed a dozen pple stuck in the desert for days. hahas.

group photo again! (:

hahas. we deliberately turned our backs.

next, we went to the flower farm. hahas.

there were loads of crythsanthemum of different colours.

ju hua tai! HAHA.

farming at cameron highlands.

we stopped for photo taking at tt beautiful scene.

and i was FINALLY taller. :D

because i was standing on the stone.

HAHA. :D

next up, STRAWBERRY FARM!

and i got to pick strawberries with jielin for the 1st time! (:

strawberries hand-pluck by urs truly! (:
in order to cope more strawberries, we even had a few hidden

in jielin's bag before we sent the box for weighing. HEE.

at the strawberry shop.

we saw MORE strawberries. LOL.

group photo outside the shop.

another self taken pic. (:

and we went to lettuce farm.

the lettuce there were grown usin a modified form of hydroponics.

so they cn grow bigger and faster.

MORE strawberries.

and i even became one. LOL.

group photo!

and we had STRAWBERRIES desserts. LOL.

sundae and pancake. (:

and the one we had all been waiting for esp qx:

STEAMBOAT DINNER.

had free flow of veggies locally grown there.

and they really tasted slightly different.

got really bloated after dinner. SATISFIED! (:

we took the mini van back to our hotel and went to the karaoke section to sing. we sang for 4hrs straight and onli need to pay for our drinks since we sang at the counter bar. hahas.

5th jan- cameron to GENTING!

we woke up the next morning and dragged our luggage and waited for the van to bring us to genting at the lobby. half way thru, we changed to this damn grand 5-star coach tt has massage chair and even individual tv to watch movies and play games. BUT i was too tired to do all tt. and i just slept all the way. i was woken up by the cold weather. and realised tt we had oreadi reached GENTING! (: after checking in at 1st world hotel, we headed to 1st world plaza for lunch as we were all starving.

we ate lunch-dinner at a shanghainese restaurant.

and we had XIAO LONG BAOZ! :D

we shopped ard 1st world plaza and i bought a banana republic dress at fos.

and we decided to spend the nite at the arcade.

HAHA. this was taken by jielin, rachel and me while the other 2

were focusin on their game. LOL.

note: they wore the same colour shirt. :D

on our way back to the hotel, we took some random shots.

at the telephone booths. LOL.

back at the hotel.

all cleaned up and cuddled in bed! (:

LOL. was tryin to hang the jackets.

brush teeth!

and we played uno and taiti thru out the nite.

6th jan- genting to KL!

we were supposed to be ready at the lobby by 1130hr but we onli went down at 1200hr after havin to wait at golden mile for 1hr for our coach. and in the end, our coach LEFT when we were downstairs. so the 5 of us had to squeeze into 1 cab for the 40 mins journey downhill. had to rely on sweets to prevent myself from puking. and it was nt long when we reahed KL and checked in at royale bintang. (:

couple dressing again. HAHA.

on our way to times square.

we ate kenny rogers for lunch.

had a quarter chicken, 3 side dishes and banana muffin!

and i'm missing the banana muffin ):

times square is DAMN big.

i counted and there were nine storeys i think.

i was dizzy oreadi after shopping for a few storeys.

so we stopped shopping and went to the indoor amusement park

to camwhore. (:

and we saw this HUGE dinosaur-bee lookin thing.

we got so bored tt we took EMO shots outside e toilet.

HAHA.

the BIG TIMES SQUARE.

we had to take 2 days to conquer it. hahas.

we stonned in starbucks to wait for our midnight movie-carriers.

for safety sake, we cabbed back to bintang although times sq is so near.

7th jan- KL!

woke up for breakfast at royale bintang and we headed to other malls to SHOP. hahas.bought a new bag and a new pair of jean shorts.

and we had our last dinner at a jap teppanyaki rest.

their teriyaki chicken is nice. (:

and we finally get to watch bodyguards and assassins!

another midnight movie so we stonned at starbucks again.

and the movie was DAMN nice.

we walked back to bintang and we were supposed to stay awake

throughout the entire nite.

BUT in the end, everyone fell asleep so qx and i ended up

pillow-fighting to keep ourselves awake. LOL.

8 jan- KL to SINGAPORE ):

ate a damn early and full breakfast at 0630hr. and went back to sleep till 1100hr. HAHA. rushed back to times square to search for qx's shirts and we even had no time to eat lunch tt we gt to settle it in the coach on our way back. hahas.

our lunch- PIZZA! (:

our last group photo before settin into s'pore mainland.

had a fulfilling and fun time with these pple.

hopefully there cn be another trip again! (:

u got me thinking

2010-01-12T23:52:00.002+08:00

i thought i knew. but in fact, i still couldnt figure out.
this was something that hadnt happened for a looong time.
e misunderstanding got me thinking. and realising.
that i acutally care.
and i'm having the same symptoms.
i thought i was immuned from it.
i thought all these will not happen. ever again.
but i think it's coming now.

impossible is nothing.
it now seems that way to me.
nothing is of certainty.

if only i cn take antibiotics.
if only my own antibodies cn put up a fight.
and let this get off my mind.

go away please.

BACK! (:

2010-01-09T15:12:00.005+08:00

i reached s'pore grounds safe and sound at 1930 hr plus ytd nite. i had loads of fun during our 5 days trip with rachel, jielin, qi xuan and eileen. it was a good getaway and the last moment to have fun b4 sch repoens next mon. ): we took loads of photos and videos, ate loads of good food, shopped alot of malls, sang karaoke for 4 straight hours, watched 2 movies, roamed ard closing shoppin centres and crapping at starbucks while waiting for our movie time, played card games in the hotel room till 0200-0400hr in the morn and overnite pillow fights.

and it wasnt jus all playing. i learnt new stuff too! like how the farmers plant cabbage using hydroponics and use yellow plastics to trap flies at night. they have this very cool drainage system that allow the cabbage to grow faster and bigger. i also learnt how to taupok and play taiti. i shared loads of 1st time with these bunch of pple too. i plucked my 1st strawberry with jielin in the greenhouse, drank my 1st cup of strawberry milk tea and sang karaoke in the open space at cameron, shared a bed with the 3 gals at genting , ate my 1st pretzel and watched my 1st midnight movie at KL. although we slept for onli 5 hrs on average, we had loads of fun tgt with all the bickering btw rach n eilleen with qixuan and the funny stuff we did along the way. like how we missed our bus to KL at genting after waiting for over an hr at golden mile complex for our bus to cameron. and we ended up squeezing in 1 cab for the 40 mins journey. and how difficult it was shopping for shirts and berms for qi xuan becos of the improportionate build he had tt he obviously denied. we had loads of good laugh over the tight fitting A+ shirts which he couldnt wear and baggy berms for his tiny waist. HAHA.

but then all good things come to an end very soon. ): the 5 days spent with them passed by like a breeze. but the memories will remain forever. i had loads of fun and i hope u guys did too! hope we cn have another one! photos up soon! (: till then!

love forever ♥

2010-01-03T14:48:00.003+08:00

the golden bands tt will intertwine them tgt forever! ♥

attended cousin wenni's ROM at peach garden ytd. it was a long awaited ROM. congrats to both! i was kinda touched and almost teared during the ceremony. hahas. perhaps cos it had been quite awhile since i attended such a ceremony. and i realised cousin wenni has a natural glow on her face ytd. it must be becos she's feeling blessed, blissful and loved! to be loved and be in love is such a wonderful thing (: after the ROM lunch, i cnt wait for their wedding dinner. HAHA.

1st jan- open house

the prayer hall in my house officially opened on 1st jan. had to wake up at 0800hr when i onli turned in at 0230hr after coming back home from countdown. YAWNS. pple started streamin into my house at 1000hr. i was pretty lost thru out the entire thing and luckily i had the company of min, belle, cand and ken. thanks for comin down. hope u guys enjoy the food. sneaked out with them for an hr and we had hilarious moments @ mac doin acronyms. HAHA. the entire thing ended at 1900hr at my house. after everyone left, i had to clean the pots and pans, clear rubbish, sweep and mop the entire house. my bro gt to remove all the bedsheets and clean the hall. we were both shagged after everything. nothing much was left to eat so we left the rice and food to our parents and drank soup. the mushroom soup is really awesome. we drank like 2 big bowls and ate loads of mushrooms. hahas.

31 dec- COUNTDOWN!!!

went to minds cafe @ boat quay with maye, qp, cand and ken. photos up on facebook! :D ate my long awaited soya icecream cone with cand on our way to find minds cafe. we had loads of fun playing board games like taboo, fastest finger first and my fave- UGLYROLL! ♥ we had dinner there and head down to raffles place and sat down to wait for the coutndown and fireworks. maye, qp, ken and i played the concentration game- chinese lame version. it was really hilarious and fun! i think other pple oso tot so cos e grp of pple sitting behind us started playin too after we stopped. HAHA. it was the 1st time i was out on new yr's eve and the fireworks were awesome. for the 1min plus of fireworks, i tot tt it was great to be alive to watch such beautiful things. but of course reality gt the best of me. and everything went back to normal after tt. hahas. the journey back to raffles mrt is torture. pple were everywhere and we even gt stuck near the mrt passageway and it was damn stuffy there. ): luckily the train wasnt so packed at raffles but it gt real terrible at orchard. u cn literally see a crowd of pple standing outside the door, tryin to get in. 1 tourist standing near me gt so amazed tt he started takin out his canon camera and started takin pics of the scene. =.= everyone started to get off at amk and tpy so it gt less crowded along the way. i almost sprinted home as i jus wanted to get home to sleep but i ended up watchin tv after bathing. HAHA.

sch is started in 1 wk's time and it's time to bid too. ): off to cameron-genting-KL ltr nite till 08 jan. (: hopefully it will be a fun trip with the pharm pple. till then!

christmas

2009-12-25T23:30:00.002+08:00

it's the" most wonderful time of the year". (quoted) LOL.
i'll always be out on chirstmas day. at least for the past few years.
but this year is different. i spent it at home with bro.
sis, mum and dad had their own plans made earlier.
but we still had a gd time eatin pizza and watching movies (:
thanks to bro- we had 2 huge pizzas all to ourselves.
and i had to eat FOUR huge slices and many potato wedges.
am feeling so FAT and BLOATED now. ):

but i still feel blessed.

bcos it's not like i get to stuff myself with pizzas all the time and watch movies that i want to watch. watched 3 movies today! :D

so hopefully tmr's bmt can help me shed some fats.

and maybe bcos it's christmas today.
so i'm missing soya bean icecream and.

promise to myself

2009-12-23T16:06:00.005+08:00

did many things recently: went to stayover at maye's hse for her bdae, sso concert with belle, min and cand and nite cycling with 09. all photos on facebook. (:

results is out ytd at 0900hr.
and i checked it at 0200hr today.

and i noe i'm responsible for them. so i will pick up from here and strive on.
bcos i'm jus glad it wasnt the worst of the worst. (:
i will not bother abt how others think of me anymore.
i will not try to change how they look at me anymore.
i will only try to do my best all the time.

and when i get tired along the way,
i will not procrastinate anymore and just try to grit through.
and when i will get worried abt not being in the run anymore,
i will look back at this post and rmb that:
the future is my destiny.
and i can create this destiny.

so i will acha fight.
and get what i want in 2013. (:

it's a promise.

4e8 warriors gathering

2009-12-16T11:22:00.017+08:00

the morning marina barrage picnic was cancelled last min due to low response and many sudden withdrawals. and terk ming had to get his family to finish up the sandwiches he packed. hahas. so we met up for dinner @ just acia dhoby ghaut instead. the total strength was a mere 18/42. it was nice catching up with many of the peeps whom i hadnt seen and talked to for some time. (:

from left clockwise: joon kiat, yushan, reuben and terk ming.

evan and me (:

esther and zixin (:

with boyang stoning behind. LOL.

we waited for everyone to get there and dinner started at 1900 hr plus.

i ate the above plus 3 scoops of MANGO ICECREAM!!! (:

after dinner, we decided to walk all the way from

dhoby ghaut to esplanade.

camwhore while walking. hahas.
it was a long walk esp for me since i had aches from the trekking.

and the plasters on my feet came off.

so my feets plus my toes were freaking painful. ):

reached esplanade! (:

the guys went to get drinks while we sat ard and catch up with each other.

in the end, they bought breezer, green and lemon tea.

plus chips for everyone to share.

the lime breezer tasted not bad.

we hanged ard for awhile and realised it was past 2330hr.

night view

with all the chirstmas lightings (:

evan injured her knees and toe when she tripped over a step at the esplanade.

helped to wash her wounds.

hopefully she's alright now (:

our shoes!

from left bottom clockwise: xin, mine, liqian, denise, esther, evan and jun.

from left: jun, xin, lili, denise and me (:

xin, lili, denise,me and esther (:

group photo!

version II. hahas.

we had to run all the way to cityhall int to catch our last train.

and my feet had blisters bcos of it. ):

luckily we managed to catch the train.

take care everyone.

till we meet again! (:

gunung datuk trek ♥

2009-12-15T19:23:00.060+08:00

9 dec 09: circuit training

the dips, jumping jacks, weight lifting gave me aches all over. but it's nice to noe u'd workout (: went home to watch beethoven virus and lost track of time to PACK. so i ended up sleeping at 0100hr.

10 dec 09: TREK DAY 1 !!!

forced myself to wake up after snoozing my phone alarm for a dozen times. washed up and wolfed down breakfast b4 lifting my heavy trek bag on my aching shoulders and head down to kranji stn to meet the rest at 0600hr.

us and our trek mate- benjamin (:

we were laughed at bcos of our pouch.
which came in VERY handy during the trek. hahas.

took bus 170 to causeway customs and i had ALOT

of difficulty tryin to scan my passport.

i was like the last one of the grp to get it scan.

reached jb train stn and we missed the train we were supposed to take.

so we had to wait for the next train.

and we cn finally put down our HEAVY bags.

it got heavier when we stopped by to get drinking water.

LOL. there were TONS of pple smokin outside the stn.

SMELLY SMOKE.

we decided to camwhore while waiting for our tickets to be ready.
group photo! (:

in the train stn.

jus a quick photo b4 we board the train.

excited*

our train finally came and

WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO DATUK (:

min and i had loads of fun talkin abt funny and xiu stuff.

we were laughing so loud tt phe n qp

who were a few seats away could hear us. LOL.

after a 3 hrs ride, we reach tampin! (:

we were sort of late so there was no lunch.

but we munched on the granula bars phe brought from the std chart marathon.

kinda missing the granula bars now ):

HAHA. we had this ARTISITC photo taken

while waiting for the toilet.

we were supposed to be symmetrical.

too bad min dont have pouch. HAHA.

group 4 family photo! (:

we waited at the train stn for taxis to drive us to datuk.

and we munched on more granula bars.

one of them (DBN) even went to buy FOOD to eat.

he needed to eat after gg to the bank. (inside joke) LOL.

after a 30 mins ride from tampin stn, we finally reach datuk! (:

and we began our trek!

apparently the trek wasnt as easy as we tot it would be.

we were gg against gravity with our big bags and with the

additional rule of no hand carry, we had to lug EVERYTHING into our bags.
so we had to drag ourselves up and many parts of it were rather steep.

many thanks to min tt pushed me thru many logs and rocks.

to phe who pulled me along when i felt like stopping.

to qp tt shouted acha fight to me many times along the way.

i couldnt have done it w/o u pple (:

just when we tot we were done with the trek after 2 hrs,

we rested at this psuedo lookin base area.

we were all perspiring like mad by then.

plain water tasted superb.

we even ate organic salt to push ourselves to complete the trek.
*the summit was within our reach*

FINALLY.

after 3 hrs of trekking, climbing and literally gg over tons of logs,

WE REACHED!! (:

our base camp.

where we pitched our tents, ate and slept in.

i took footage of our faces after we reached the base camp. hahas.

this was qp's.

*tired*

phe's.

*accomplished*

min's.

*YAY*

me!

*finally it's over!* HAHA.

after resting for some time,

we started to pitch our tents.

safraz was really quick to pick the tent spot for us.

but we realised there's a used toilet situated behind the tent and

a pile of rubbish in front of the tent after pitching. lols.

resting in our tent (:

in order to catch the sunset in time,

we hurried to climb the last part to reach the summit.
it was pretty ingenious for pple to build ladders on the huge rocks.

if nt, we wouldnt be able to reach the summit.

group photo (:

phe, qp, me and min! (:

the wind started to get strong when we reached the sub-summit.

tired but accomplished (:

just when i tot we had finished climbing,

i saw this.

but i succumbed my fear and CLIMBED it tgt with min n phe. (:

i just cnt miss the sunset and the scenery after trekking for so long.

nice scenery!!

we could see loads of mountains.

and the wind up at the summit is even stronger.

i was afraid tt i will get blown away when i stood up. LOL.

i like this picture!

kinda artistic yea?

the scenic view at the summit tgt with the strong wind

jus made all the aching worthwhile. (:

ME!

jus imagine how strong the wind can get to have my hair blown tt way.

hahas. group photo (:

with our unkempt hair.

us with benjamin.

more scenic views.

SUNSET!

the "salted duck yolk" disappearing.

dusk.

i got freaking cold after staying up there for 30 mins w/o my windbreaker.

and we took damn long to take this grp photo.

with the wind blowing the flag all over.

finally, we came down.

the coming down part is really quite scary.

cos it was getting dark and i didnt wear my spects.

and it's hard to reach for the ladder using my legs when i'm backfacing it.

luckily qp and safraz had oreadi began cooking dinner.

i guess we were too hungry cos i felt tt instant noddles tasted damn nice.

we had canned food as side dishes (:

our tuna curry and chicken sausages.

after dinner, we played concentration game and true or dare.

safraz came out with many funny dares.

and yes. min bit my ear.

the gals had powder bath in the tent since

there was NO waterpoint at the base camp.

we had to pee in the bushes in the middle of the night as well.

after tt, we continued playing true or dare and open numbers in the tent.
the wind got stronger as it get darker at night.

and we got to see STARS! (:

it had been a loong loong time ever since i saw e whole patch of stars on the sky.

11 dec 09- TREK DAY 2!!!

we gave sunrise a miss in order to catch more sleep. i was freaking cold thru out the night without any blanket and the rocky ground made it even more difficult to sleep. and all of us woke up at ard 0730hr for breakfast and packed up.

we went up the rocks again and this time ard,

we went down to this cave formed by the huge rocks.

it's really marvellous at how nature cn get all the rocks

stacked and formed in this way.

in the "cave"!

our last grp photo b4 we descended (:

descending took lesser time and it's less strenuous as well.

but our toes really took the turmoil.

they were freaking painful since we had to maintain

balance at many times on the slopes.

during the descend, we wondered at many times

how we managed to climb up the steep slopes.

all of us went to change to our slippers/sandals after we made it down.

and we FINALLY gt to bathe but using rainwater.

but it's still better than the powder bath i guess. hahas.

after we taxi-ed back to tampin, we went for lunch at KFC.

felt damn bloated after the meal.

and we took a 3hrs coach ride back to singapore.

but the ride became 4hrs due to the jam.

to min, qp n phe: thanks for making the trek enjoyable and fun! (:

i hoped to go for more trekking in the future.

and like wat phe said: our goal- mount kinabalu.

birthday bash (:

2009-12-07T00:08:00.025+08:00

the birthday celebration cum class gathering was finally over. although nt everyone was present, most of us took time out to get together. i hope everyone had fun, memories and laughter as i promised. (:

reached marsling stn at 1340hr with qp and we were nt the latest. the latest arrived AN HOUR later. u noe who u are. coughs* hahas. it started to pour jus after we set off from the stn to youlong's hse. luckily the route was entirely sheltered but we still gt abit drenched from the splattering rain.

and i FINALLY get to play mahjong!

i chiong into the rm after yl gt back from the coffeeshop

with e gals and my bubble tea.

gt a little rusty but caught up with the game after a few rds. (:

the rest were outside playing card games or simply jus chit chatting.

tt's 0907: we cn have fun jus with each other's presence. (:

more card games.

finally it was time to cut cake!
bought this choco cake at 4 leaves (:
as choco jus gt to be everyone's favourite flavour i guess.

lights off!
candles lighted!

the birthday peeps! (:

cake cutting!

me and the birthday peeps!
hope they enjoyed the cake (:

LOL. managed to find some quirky photos in the album.
and all had 1 common person in them: MAYE.
(pardon me maye, jus for laughter :D)
this is photo no 1.
*flower gal*

*queen of gamble*
pouting.
hahas.

nice cake?
hahas.

we set off for breeks @ marina sq after e cake cutting session.
and reached there jus in time.
ordered for food and while waiting, WE CAMWHORE! :D

me, jo and tong (:

me and my dory-mushroom cream spagetti.

e waitress said some other name tt gt me confused when my food arrived.

result: i gt laughed off by the rest for nt knowing wat i ordered. ):

couple no 1 (:

showing affection using a single strand of spagetti.

couple no 2 (:

couples reunion! (:

*hearts hearts*

group photo! (:

it jus made me beam everytime when i see so many pple in the photo. :D

group photo!

thanks to the 19 of u tt turned up tt day (:

till we meet again!

p/s: pls look out for more class events on facebook!

I LOVE 0907!

post drama syndrome

2009-12-04T13:14:00.002+08:00

completed you're beautiful on thurs morn 0430hr. (: i think i'm more hardworking watching kdramas than mugging. hahas. e show is HIGHLY recommended and i think i develop PDS again. so jang geun suk is the new love nw! :D currently i'm tryin out beethoven virus. jang geun suk's 2008 drama. the plot is really interesting and hopefully it will turn out nice. (:

went shopping with denise ytd. ytd was 313 @ somerset grand opening and uniqlo was selling their jackets at 9.90 each. and yes, the queue was damn loooonng. this craze opening sale had s'poreans exemplified their kiasuism- the queue was making a loop around the store and it was never at once shortened before. we had to queue for everything. to enter the store, to pay for the clothes. i think we spent like half the time queuing up. although most of the wear were winter clothes, but pple still grab the clothes like there's gonna be a snowstorm in s'pore.

-.- exaggerating huh.

313 @ somerset had some awesome outlets like mango, espirit. and i bought a 70 bucks espirit dress after much contemplation and i tried e dress until the saleperson cn recognise me. ya. e pocket in my hole is getting bigger and bigger. I NID MONEY. ): and i cn really see age catching up. denise n me had a record of 8hrs of non-stop shopping back when we were 16. and we onli shopped for 3 hrs b4 our legs were complaining of soreness ytd.

chirstmas is in the air in orchard! chirstmas carols are blasting in many of the stores and malls. many of the malls had their christmas trees and lightings up. denise and me even created a remix of: rudolph the red nosed reindeer, pink panther and one of our ajco concert song. we sang it along the streets on our way to far east from somerset. LOL. and i missed jeremy's rendition of rudolph. ):

09 outing is TMR! which means i cn finally play mahjong TMR!!! :D and i'm glad to hear tt many of the peeps are gg! there's currently 19 positive replies nw so i'm really lookin forward to tmr's outing. and yup with promised fun, laughter and memories. (:

and i jus found out tt renewal of passport is REALLY a hassle. ): i nid to find a scanner for a softcopy of my photo. hopefully i wont delay too much time for the flight booking. prays*

one week of my hols is almost gone!! ): time still fly like a hummingbird and even faster after exams. and i haven started my 1st run after the exams. I NEED TO RUN.

3 more weeks.
i will cherish every single day.

craze

2009-11-30T23:09:00.005+08:00

had been watching loads of movies and catching up on loads of dramas for the past 3 days. think my eyes will rot soon. LOL. while waiting for momo love and hi my sweetheart new episodes, qp recommended me to watch the korean drama- u're beautiful. and it's darn nice! :D i luv the main male lead- jang geun suk! below is the reason why:

jang geun suk (:

although i really enjoy sticking my butt on my chair and glue my eyes in front of my lappie screen, i hope i cn do smth more constructive for the coming weeks.

09 outing is coming soon!! details are all out on facebook.

MY PILATES AND CIRCUIT TRAINING is starting soon!!! :D

4e8 outing is e following week.

sso with min, cand n belle e following wk.

yl and ken is planning a chill out @ clarke quay soon and my m'sia trekking is coming soon too! :D best part of all, CHIRSTMAS! qx may be planning a xmas party too! i cnt wait for all the exciting events tt are coming up. (:

i just hope the time machine will stall now.

i just hope everything will not be long gone.

i just hope i cn enjoy every moment of my life nw.

liberation

2009-11-29T01:52:00.003+08:00

liberation began the second after 1500hr.
right after prof chui said stop writing in room 30 of the S16 building.
i tried all i cn in tt 120mins.
even if it meant screwing the paper.
i cn onli accept. and to try harder and harder than anyone else e next time rd.
but for the remaining 22 days, it's PLAYTIME!! (:

went straight down to holland v swensens gelato with larissa, rach, jielin n belle.

it started drizzling and when we boarded the bus, it started to pour.

perhaps the sky is crying for me.

gelato is really small. and the choice for selection is really limited. picked passionfruit. while larri had durian. belle -cookies n cream. jielin- her peach cream yogurt. and rach- pistachio. e 5 of us surrounded a small table in the shop with the rain pouring and the cold wind blowing outside. and nothing beats a cup of ice cream after such a tiring week. (:

our yummy ice cream! (:

after ice cream, we walked ard holland v and came across this really cool umbrella plastic bag machine. it was meant for those long umbrella and we still wan to try them on our foldable umbrellas. belle tried stuffin her umbrella n had a hard time gettin it out cos it gt stuck halfway. while i jus pulled out the plastic bag from the side. LOL. really hilarious doin all these along the corridors of the shops.

we walked further down and discovered a shop tt sells really cheap sports attires and other clothes. best of all, they have ADIDAS selling for under 30 bucks!! but couldnt find any nice pieces there. nonetheless still enjoy the company of those gals. (:

we gt so bored tt we decided to shop ard the nearby cold storage. christmas is in the air! (: christmas songs blasted our ears as we scanned thru the arrays of groceries, got amazed with the size of a young turkey , reminisced abt the tablet candies we ate when we were young and candies tt looked like pessaries. LOL.

we walked all the way back to b.v stn from holland v. trained to bukit batok with rach n jielin- supposedly to discuss e overseas trip with qi xuan but we ended up rotting at west mall subway and ate dinner there. and i missed pirates of carribean. ):

it's 0237hr and i'm nt sleeping.

best part of all, EXAMS ARE OVER!!! (:

last battle

2009-11-26T13:50:00.002+08:00

i'm starting to believe that the sandals may be doing some good.
but whether i will entitle it my " lucky golden shoes" still needa time to tell.

time flies again like the hummingbird.
e awaited finals seems like ytd.
and now, it's jus down to *drum roll* ONE LAST PAPER!
WEE!!
yes. tt's how excited i'm.
it's like i'd waited for all my life for 28 nov to come.
when ironically i'd onli started sch for 3 mths.

everyone has been counting down.
in facebook.
in blogs.
in sms-es.
in conversations.
in dreams.

the countdown was just our way of self motivation.
our way of self consolation.
tt it will come and go like a breeze.
and it sure did!
i think i cn touch 28 nov with my bare hands nw. :D

chui

2009-11-24T21:57:00.003+08:00

the gruelling 120 mins.
at a speed of 1 qn/min.
my nervous system was brought to a whole new level.

finally.
it ended.

chui-ness.

on our way home, belle smiled at me n said: chui le chui le.

and i couldnt agree any less.

monday

2009-11-23T13:54:00.004+08:00

it was 07:30.
it was pouring.
i was drained from the long night ytd.
and the train was PACKED.
it's like u just pumped 1000cm cube of 02 into 1cm cube of gas cylinder.

the bus-stop queue was so looong.
n when i finally squeezed onto the bus,
it moved like a snail.

dashed out of the bus and the road.
onli to be horned by a white toyota that was a few cm away.

wat a dramatic morning.
and a great way to start my econs paper.

gone with the wind

2009-11-21T21:42:00.002+08:00

finally.
the horrible anat paper is down.
i cn finally chuck martini to one side.

4 more to go.
6 more days.
and all will be gone with the wind.

e lack of sleep is burning me.
PIMPLES are erupting.
EYEBAGS are thickening.

28 nov. 28 nov. 28 nov.
i'm waiting for u.

I WANT TO PLAY!

S.E.H

2009-11-19T01:20:00.002+08:00

1 day.
24 hrs.
1440 mins.
ticks ticks ticks.
flip flip flip.

and i'm gg seh.
it's draining.
physically and mentally.
heartburnt.
eyebags.
PIMPLES. ):
it's an unhealthy activity.

to wrap up in 7 days.
ACHA ACHA FIGHT SUS!

schizophrenia

2009-11-13T20:28:00.006+08:00

i realised i had been pretty repetitive for tis few entries- repeatedly procrastinating.
and the truth is, i'm planning a mental escape route.
away of life. of sch. of pple. of perceptions. of expectations. of comparison.

being simple and average.
being myself.
i couldnt have asked for more.

i want to rip off this face of mine.

because i dont wan to live in agony under the scrutiny of others.

i'd fought. for too long in the past.

others said: u shldnt let all tt come to a waste. so hold on.

i noe i must.

i noe i had to.

i noe exactly wat i am supposed to do.

but i jus cnt bring myself to do them.

and it's killing me silently.
so save me.

faith

2009-11-08T21:37:00.004+08:00

the abrupt noise pollution downstairs came jus at the right time.
i never once had such wavering thoughts.
they keep coming back.
telling me it's nt right.
tt it's wrong.
tt i wanted something else.
and this is not where i belong.

everyone.
every bits and pieces.
every moment and second.
everything.
is distant.

i ask myself the reason.
i saw the reason on friday at sgh.
is it enough?

but u cnt leave.
u are holding too much.
so u have to handle it.
handle it. even if it's tormenting.
handle it. even if it's torturing.
handle it. even if eveything is toppling.
handle it. even if u feel like stopping.

for u own wat u work for.

peak

2009-11-07T01:31:00.002+08:00

leveling up. leveling up. leveling up.
it all make sense.
tt we are all part of the olympics race.
some will triumph. some will falter.
everyone starts at the same line.
with the same beginning but different ending.
even if we bid goodbye after the years,
with different ending,
it's still gonna be a whole new beginning.

life goes on a cycle. with new beginnings awaiting the endings.
so fear not. fret not. if u were to falter once.
cos it doesnt mean u will falter forever.
take the chance and see how far it will take u.
for tt will be the strength to keep u gg.

acha fight.
even if it means.
acha fight.

bits and pieces

2009-11-04T22:52:00.003+08:00

yup it has been awhile ever since i blogged. time still past like how a hummingbird flags its wings. even more nw actually.

done my great eastern run last sun with phe, min n belle (: complete in 30 mins. although i wasnt in my best condition with the late sleeping e previous night. it's still fun to run with them. i realised i miss running after so long. shall resume running again this week. (:

the best part of the run was nt shedding fats but gettin the FOC swensens icecream!! hahas. i shall participate again next yr. plus the 1 bag full of granula bars the gals grabbed. i was stunned then at how they can jus keep gg back to the queue to grab the freebies. but the granula bar really taste nice. hahas.

had my 1st ever night study in sch on tues with rachel, jielin, kerwin n belle. finally heard the lib closing music. it's hmm mambo.

went dinner with qi xuan jus nw. nice and cheap zi char near bukit batok under 25 bucks (:

but need to RUN soon.

the entry post came too sudden. i didnt have time to react. pls tell me it's nt true.

dec hols please come soon.
highlights: cardio pilates, circuit training, running, cycling, trekking.
i cannot wait to bask myself in the sun again! (:

out of my mind

2009-10-23T21:47:00.004+08:00

it's friday again. time flies just the way the hummingbird flaps its wings.

i had the urge to blog today. i was on my way home with belle today. out of e sudden she popped this line: i miss benzene ring. (fyi, benzene ring refers to the 6 pple tt take the jurong east line home tgt during our jc days- ken, youlong, warren, min, belle n myself) since then it had reduced to her, jun hao and me. n most of the time, me and her only. instantly, i came up with an organic chem analogy to illustrate y it is turning out this way. benzene ring (6 pple) is stable by itself since it experience e least strain. so most of the time, e 6 of us always go home tgt w/o fail. whereas cyclopentane ( 3 membered ring-3 pple) is most strained so it tend to open up and there we have it: a straight chain ethane ( 2 C- 2 pple) so usually onli 2 of us go home tgt.

i went to yih's orange week with denise ytd after pharm pract. while approaching the newurbanmale booth, a guy in armani spects who talked in an artificial slang came up to us and tried convincing us to sign up for e standard chartered credit card. for the sake of the 10% cashback, we bought his idea. and signed up. LOL. and after searching thru piles of num clothing, i spent 60 bucks on 2 pieces. it was hard parting wif the 50 bucks tt i JUST withdrew from the atm.

money.money.money.

CA II is coming. ): i was studying endocrine system with my martini on wed. and i SPILL H2O on my textbook. i practically stonned for a few secs b4 i realised wat happened. and nw pg 623-625 is crumpled and pg 617-622 had fallen off. tt's so helpful to spur me to study. TV is still my biggest enemy. i wish i cn smash the tv in my room.

and my pharm pract lab exam is NEXT WEEK. nervous* hopefully i cn get a battery grade so i cn be spared from retest. calm n steady is the way to go. acha fight*

i tot of a switch. throughout the entire week. maybe it's jus so tt i cn get out of it. and i tot again. abt my oncology pharm D. abt my intial reason of this choice. so i decided to hang in there.

i jus gt to constantly remind myself. tt to reach there, u nid to put in ur mind. ur heart. ur soul.

so procrastinate no more and be 16 again.

my last teenage year

2009-10-16T22:34:00.007+08:00

yup. enough of me emo-ing and venting out in this small space of mine. many pple send their regards and i really thank u guys for tt. tt is suffice for me to go on. knowing tt pple still care abt me. and it really showed from the celebration min, cand n belle (aka mouthpiece) planned for me. i noe u guys had a really tough time planning n organising it. cos i had been thru the process and it isnt easy. so thanks gals! i really appreciate it. esp when min n cand were having their CA jus the wk after.

i went to cut my hair at chapter 2 @ bugis with phe b4 meeting up the rest for k session at topone. i was hopin to cut my hair shorter n i didnt expect myself to listen to the hairstylist and try the new bob hairstyle. so nw my hair is both long and short in a way. LOL. went to k after tt. and THE ROOM IS DAMN SMALL. nonetheless, we kept ourselves cosy in the small space and had loads of fun camwhoring. all the photos are in fb. tsk tsk.

me with the mic and new hairstyle! (:

after k-ing for 5 hrs, we headed down to iluma for dinner!
maye,phe n hoi yee left while youlong n ee huai joined us.
this is the group photo shot we took while waiting for ken n yl to draw money.
in the end, we still started our meals w/o them. LOL.

my birthday cake!
standard and same as last yr bcos of the many restrictions moi set:
no choco. no mint. no cheese. hahas.
so there isnt really much choice left except mango fruit cake (:

we celebrated ee huai's birthday as well cos his was jus a few days away.
so we blew and cut the cake.

PRESENTS!! :D

tt's ALWAYS the best part of birthday! :D

i received a watch from the gals, belt from maye n qp.

THIS IS TOTALLY LOVED.

my fave adidas BLACK N GOLD polo tee!

wearing it will remind me tt" impossible is nothing". LOL.

thanks to yl, ken, russ and ee huai (:

there's adidas jacket and show's live concert momento bk from russ as well.

we had a loong chat after dinner- literally abt anything, everything under the sun.

i had loads of fun. and i hope everyone else did too tt day (:

0907 is ALWAYS loved (:

me, myself and i

2009-10-15T20:02:00.002+08:00

i jus cfm everything today. yup. tt last two had me screwed up. i was doin well and fine for the 1st two. i wrote down all i wanted on a piece of paper and taped it on my wall ytd. hopefully tt will do some help and spur me on.

i felt so nt myself today in sch. i was like a piece of mochi: totally NUA-ed. e immense weight is still there. and i still couldnt write properly.

today everyone in sch asked me: how is your hand?
i replied: it's ok.

i wished they asked me: how are you.
so i cn replied: i'm nt ok.

just acha fight sus.
jus acha fight.
give urself another chance.
because all may nt be lost.

the feeling is back.
when i wished i had u by my side.

third degree blow

2009-10-14T14:30:00.004+08:00

loads of stuff happened recently. i was upset in particular to one incident. cos i think i inflicted some hurt and harm on both parties. i didnt really want things to turn out this way.

things gt worse ytd. but i was still fine after tt 1st degree blow. although e news was bad, i had learnt to accept it entirely cos i knew tt was the best i could do. "u jus had to keep tryin and do better again" i acha fight myself.

it was a sunny morn today. everything went fine in the ppda lab. i was doin UV spectroscopy. i understood entirely wat dr anton was talking abt. i made 2-nitrophenol solution and a few rds of measurements. 2nd degree blow occured when i offered to make paracetamol dilution. tt's when e pipette broke n my left palm turned bloody. and i could not write properly after tt. jus when i had a pharm pract lab exam in 3 hrs time. jus when i had my 1st degree blow ytd. all tt i tot of was WHY ME.

on my way home, rachel msged me abt the physio CA results. i told her i will checked it out myself. eventually i still gt to noe. and tt was the 3rd degree blow.

it was a reversal. i am becoming the same me again. i told myself nt to go back then. but i still did. it rained when i left sch. i watched the raindrops pattered on the window panes of the train. it seemed like the sky was crying for me. perhaps all wasnt as bad in others perception. but no one cn understand the way i do. so much was done. so much self denial. so much self acha fight. and in the end, things dont turn out the way they are supposed to be again.

this is the breaking point. there is no more fourth degree blow.

i wished the tap went loose but it didnt. it couldnt. i jus felt this immense weight within me.

i am tired.

wat happened AFTER CA (:

2009-10-05T22:19:00.002+08:00

1st thing 1st. CA IS OVER! :D i'm plain relieved abt tt. but gettin back my results is another thing. oh well, i shant think abt tt 1st. PLAY 1st. (:

met up with denise at yih for lunch after physio paper n i had green tea ice-cream! (: ps: i finished it within 5 mins. LOL. n i finally packed my MESSY table tt night till 0100hr just when i tot i could finally sleep early tt night after stayin up for so many nights. i will need garnier light pen soon with more sleepless nights to come. hahas.

went to sch earlier on fri noon to play aeroplane chess n chinese chess with qi xuan, cheryl, larissa, don n jun hao b4 PPDA lecture. i SERIOUSLY cnt play chinese chess. it's a mind-bogging game tt requires e players to think 3-4 steps ahead of wat will happen with each single move. so it turns out to be a stressful game with e 9 yrs xperienced jun hao.

HIGHLIGHT EVENT: i went to ubin with clique today! and everyone turned up!! (: it was fun cycling in rocky terrain and up-down slopes. we went chek java and took loads of photos!! it started to pour when we reached e jetty- on our way back to mainland. so we were quite lucky to do quite abit of cycling. jus tt there isnt any sun which made me n jason quite upset. hahas. yup n i had a great, fun n hilarious dinner with larissa, jun hao n don. i had nt had such a good laugh for quite some time and credits really go to this bunch of peeps. (: photos will be up SOON!

frens made the world go round!! (:

changed

2009-09-25T19:04:00.004+08:00

it's hard. to find back the drive that keeps me going anymore. looking back, it had always been to just keep going, keep going, keep going. yet, inertia had been building within me all this while. n it chose to appear only nw. i may just ruin wat i had built by simply doing nothing at all.

acha fighting. jiayous. gambatte. e same words replayed.

but i had changed.

n it's nt the way it's supposed to be.

QUINTessential inter-fact bash 09 (:

2009-09-19T01:33:00.017+08:00

EVENT: QUINTessential inter-fact bash 09

VENUE: zouk

TIME, DATE: 1830-2300hr, 18 sept 2009

DRESS CODE: red & white

went for the quint-fact bash on my last day of sch

b4 recess week.

it was a loong loong journey there n

i fell asleep on e bus AGAIN. hahas.

had dinner at great world city food junction

n mac's vanilla cone! :D

e icecream portion there is much more humongous

than other outlets.

an ice cream cone a day keeps my troubles at bay (:

we had to queue to get into zouk. n i realised it's located in a weird place- near residence area.

we were given goodie bags with *uh-hum* inside. hahas.

n i jus took e most practical thing in e bag: e hand rub! :D

when we walked into zouk, those pple wearing white immediately start to illuminate.

hahas. jus like me, belle n rachel.

instant walking light sticks!! LOL. (:

managed to catch project superstar event after arrival.
roman from yr 3 represented pharm to participate.
cheers for him!! (:

next up was dance competition.
pretty impressive performance put up by e 5 pharm gals.
onli dentistry n duke-nus had a mixture of guys n gals.
medicine started with e cliche wonder gals- nobody song.
n nursing's rendition totally "rock e house down." hahas.
e pageant was next.
medicine's sarah n duke-nus's nathan won. (:

we managed to find ourselves a corner n camwhoring session began!!
from left 2nd row: kerwin, nicholas, boon hou, jason, rachel.
1st row: belle, me n jielin (:
went to exchange for a drink at e bar counter.
n i tried kerwin's recommendation: vodka sprite.
it was a little too bitter. but i stayed sober throughout e entire event. hahas.

e picture of the day was nt any hot babe or hunk we noticed in zouk.
but nicholas' cup with e auxillary label he took from our pham pract lab.
" this medicine may cause drowiness and may increase e effects of alcohol." LOL.

was tryin to take pics with belle n boon hou jus came into e shot.

*qiang jing tou* hahas.

n nw it was rachel's turn.

hahas.

we saw our yr 2 seniors while walking out of zouk.

e aj-pharmily photo shot! (:

it would have been 4 generations of ajcians reunion if qi xuan n jun hao were in e shot as well.

*enjoyed*

next up: CYCLOHUNT! (:

treading a pathway

2009-09-14T01:05:00.003+08:00

it's monday morning. 0120hr. i jus completed compiling pharmacy practice ppt dued in jus a few hours from nw. CA is in 2 wks time n ALOT nid to be mugged. i cn sense a terrible terrible birthday this yr. ):

i was reading my ppda notes today n i felt a sudden sense of emptiness. n e qn" why am i doin all this" popped up in my head. i donno y am i doubting e things i'm doing. perhaps when everything is nt gg the way i wan them to be, i've no more strength to continue.

give me hope. give me passion. give me belief.
cos i'd left footsteps in this pathway n wan to continue.

if i could, i wan to shout acha fighting into my own ears over and over again.