me, myself and i

i jus cfm everything today. yup. tt last two had me screwed up. i was doin well and fine for the 1st two. i wrote down all i wanted on a piece of paper and taped it on my wall ytd. hopefully tt will do some help and spur me on.

i felt so nt myself today in sch. i was like a piece of mochi: totally NUA-ed. e immense weight is still there. and i still couldnt write properly.

today everyone in sch asked me: how is your hand?
i replied: it's ok.


i wished they asked me: how are you.
so i cn replied: i'm nt ok.


just acha fight sus.
jus acha fight.
give urself another chance.
because all may nt be lost.


the feeling is back.
when i wished i had u by my side.

third degree blow

loads of stuff happened recently. i was upset in particular to one incident. cos i think i inflicted some hurt and harm on both parties. i didnt really want things to turn out this way.

things gt worse ytd. but i was still fine after tt 1st degree blow. although e news was bad, i had learnt to accept it entirely cos i knew tt was the best i could do. "u jus had to keep tryin and do better again" i acha fight myself.

it was a sunny morn today. everything went fine in the ppda lab. i was doin UV spectroscopy. i understood entirely wat dr anton was talking abt. i made 2-nitrophenol solution and a few rds of measurements. 2nd degree blow occured when i offered to make paracetamol dilution. tt's when e pipette broke n my left palm turned bloody. and i could not write properly after tt. jus when i had a pharm pract lab exam in 3 hrs time. jus when i had my 1st degree blow ytd. all tt i tot of was WHY ME.

on my way home, rachel msged me abt the physio CA results. i told her i will checked it out myself. eventually i still gt to noe. and tt was the 3rd degree blow.

it was a reversal. i am becoming the same me again. i told myself nt to go back then. but i still did. it rained when i left sch. i watched the raindrops pattered on the window panes of the train. it seemed like the sky was crying for me. perhaps all wasnt as bad in others perception. but no one cn understand the way i do. so much was done. so much self denial. so much self acha fight. and in the end, things dont turn out the way they are supposed to be again.

this is the breaking point. there is no more fourth degree blow.

i wished the tap went loose but it didnt. it couldnt. i jus felt this immense weight within me.

i am tired.

wat happened AFTER CA (:

1st thing 1st. CA IS OVER! :D i'm plain relieved abt tt. but gettin back my results is another thing. oh well, i shant think abt tt 1st. PLAY 1st. (:

met up with denise at yih for lunch after physio paper n i had green tea ice-cream! (: ps: i finished it within 5 mins. LOL. n i finally packed my MESSY table tt night till 0100hr just when i tot i could finally sleep early tt night after stayin up for so many nights. i will need garnier light pen soon with more sleepless nights to come. hahas.

went to sch earlier on fri noon to play aeroplane chess n chinese chess with qi xuan, cheryl, larissa, don n jun hao b4 PPDA lecture. i SERIOUSLY cnt play chinese chess. it's a mind-bogging game tt requires e players to think 3-4 steps ahead of wat will happen with each single move. so it turns out to be a stressful game with e 9 yrs xperienced jun hao.

HIGHLIGHT EVENT: i went to ubin with clique today! and everyone turned up!! (: it was fun cycling in rocky terrain and up-down slopes. we went chek java and took loads of photos!! it started to pour when we reached e jetty- on our way back to mainland. so we were quite lucky to do quite abit of cycling. jus tt there isnt any sun which made me n jason quite upset. hahas. yup n i had a great, fun n hilarious dinner with larissa, jun hao n don. i had nt had such a good laugh for quite some time and credits really go to this bunch of peeps. (: photos will be up SOON!

frens made the world go round!! (:

changed

it's hard. to find back the drive that keeps me going anymore. looking back, it had always been to just keep going, keep going, keep going. yet, inertia had been building within me all this while. n it chose to appear only nw. i may just ruin wat i had built by simply doing nothing at all.


acha fighting. jiayous. gambatte. e same words replayed.


but i had changed.


n it's nt the way it's supposed to be.

QUINTessential inter-fact bash 09 (:

EVENT: QUINTessential inter-fact bash 09

VENUE: zouk

TIME, DATE: 1830-2300hr, 18 sept 2009

DRESS CODE: red & white

went for the quint-fact bash on my last day of sch

b4 recess week.

it was a loong loong journey there n

i fell asleep on e bus AGAIN. hahas.

had dinner at great world city food junction

n mac's vanilla cone! :D

e icecream portion there is much more humongous

than other outlets.

an ice cream cone a day keeps my troubles at bay (:

we had to queue to get into zouk. n i realised it's located in a weird place- near residence area.

we were given goodie bags with *uh-hum* inside. hahas.

n i jus took e most practical thing in e bag: e hand rub! :D

when we walked into zouk, those pple wearing white immediately start to illuminate.

hahas. jus like me, belle n rachel.

instant walking light sticks!! LOL. (:

managed to catch project superstar event after arrival.
roman from yr 3 represented pharm to participate.
cheers for him!! (:



next up was dance competition.
pretty impressive performance put up by e 5 pharm gals.
onli dentistry n duke-nus had a mixture of guys n gals.
medicine started with e cliche wonder gals- nobody song.
n nursing's rendition totally "rock e house down." hahas.
e pageant was next.
medicine's sarah n duke-nus's nathan won. (:


we managed to find ourselves a corner n camwhoring session began!!
from left 2nd row: kerwin, nicholas, boon hou, jason, rachel.
1st row: belle, me n jielin (:
went to exchange for a drink at e bar counter.
n i tried kerwin's recommendation: vodka sprite.
it was a little too bitter. but i stayed sober throughout e entire event. hahas.


e picture of the day was nt any hot babe or hunk we noticed in zouk.
but nicholas' cup with e auxillary label he took from our pham pract lab.
" this medicine may cause drowiness and may increase e effects of alcohol." LOL.

was tryin to take pics with belle n boon hou jus came into e shot.

*qiang jing tou* hahas.

n nw it was rachel's turn.

hahas.

we saw our yr 2 seniors while walking out of zouk.

e aj-pharmily photo shot! (:

it would have been 4 generations of ajcians reunion if qi xuan n jun hao were in e shot as well.

*enjoyed*

next up: CYCLOHUNT! (:

treading a pathway

it's monday morning. 0120hr. i jus completed compiling pharmacy practice ppt dued in jus a few hours from nw. CA is in 2 wks time n ALOT nid to be mugged. i cn sense a terrible terrible birthday this yr. ):

i was reading my ppda notes today n i felt a sudden sense of emptiness. n e qn" why am i doin all this" popped up in my head. i donno y am i doubting e things i'm doing. perhaps when everything is nt gg the way i wan them to be, i've no more strength to continue.

give me hope. give me passion. give me belief.
cos i'd left footsteps in this pathway n wan to continue.


if i could, i wan to shout acha fighting into my own ears over and over again.

what happened recently

alot had happened ever since sch started n i onli wrote 2 entries. ya, my blog is turning mouldy. so i decided to sacrifice my sleep to revive it. n to show i still enjoy blogging!!! hahas.

FOW (03/08- 06/08)

my OG grp! (:

took this photo on our way for dinner on e 1st day.

day no 2 of FOW= FLAG DAY!

we had to wake up at 0600hr and set off by 0800hr.

mission: to fill 2 tin cans full of coins.

we were e YELLOW SAINTS tt day. hahas.

day 3 and 4 were practically games n ragging.

i was busy mending these axes to be used by the angels on rag day.

shagged but fulfilled (:

FOW officially break camp on 06/08.

but i was back in sch e next nite. hahas.

to prepare for the big day- RAG DAY!

i am proud of the rag float!!! :D

i cn see my hard work put off finally.

it was never a wrong decision to go back sch to rag for e last 2 wks of hols.

the dancers!!

they were the "bad n evil mummies".

with the evil comes the good! hahas.

another grp of 'angelic" dancers (:

we decided to take snap shots of ourselves b4 e start of the event.

was darn shagged after spendin e night "ramen-ing n xiaolongbao-ing" in e stadium.

i'd my 1st time xperience of sleepin on e track as well.

but it was ALL worth it for RAG! :D
e performance turned out to be a blast n i enjoyed every moment of being part of it. (:

cycling with clinic peeps (10/08)

we accomplished 15km under 1.5hrs (:

n we were cycling in the rain.

our grp photo at changi b4 we set off back to ecp.
enjoyed! (:

floaters nite cycling (14/08)

my 1st sch event after sch started.

it was a 2130-0700hr nite ride ard s'pore.

in search of: laughter, fun, bonding n FOOD!

p/s: we'd dim sum at 0300hr in the morn! LOL.

qixuan & elijah's 21st birthday @ munchie monkey (19/08)

went back to sch early for birthday celebrations! (:

ate fish n chips @ munchie monkeys.

grp photo!

there were many of us- peers n seniors (:

n nt forgettin the 2 birthday boys!

after lab quiz and lecture, we headed to pharm society rm to collect our lab coats!

*the future-to-be pharmacists* (:

hi ah boon world tour photo (:

we wore our nusps polo shirts for e 1st time too!
our clique is easily spotted with a whole row of maroons in e lecture hall. hahas.

rag celebratory dinner @ sun bistro (02/09)

we headed down to nus sun bistro after a tiring day of lab.

n we were all in our pharmacy rag shirts! :D

thanks to prof chan n yoong wend for organisin e dinner. (:

there was a feast of stuff to eat. hahas.

certificates of participation were given out personally by prof chan to show her gratitude towards us.

photo taken with e head of dept (:

shopping @ far east (07/09)

met up with min n cand for shopping on mon.

took some time off e heavy duty.

n it was great time investment (:

me n cand (:

bought a new pair of flats!

so tt i finally cn bid goodbye to my nikes shoes. hahas.

good time spent. great memories etched.

they will serve as great reminders to all tt i'm holdin on to.

*cherish*