smell the freedom

exams is finally over! we are all so over the moon! somebody even hollered after our last paper today. hahas. yup i guess that is what happen when u spend hours after hours torturing urself with those mountain set of notes and drink cups over cups of coffee to keep urself awake throughout the seemingly endless nights. we all pull it thru and the great sense of relief overwhelmed us. from now till 20 dec, i will do nothing but play, play and play! there's so much that i wanna do over this short hols: csi exhibition, bombay exhibition, k-dramas, xpharm, exco retreat, k-box, meet-ups, tennis, badminton, running, cycling, sleeping, MAHJONG and simply staring into space on my bed without having to worry about time! (:

i smell the freedom and am enjoying every moment of it! :D

i've learnt that there is no forever to everything. they are such great vocalists and awesome stage performers. but the fate is sealed and there's no turning back. it has ended. officially. i am really really really upset. i went back to listen to their songs and it made things worse. i felt even more upset. 2 is never equal to 5 to start with. dbsk is 1 entity altogether. it will never be the same anymore. ): they had worked so hard over the last 5 years and it all come to an end. it's really a pity and i am just upset that everything they had done and worked for is worth just this much. it really shouldnt be this way.

hopefully they will relive the dream again.

let the sunshine

that pocket of sunshine finally peeked through my window and put an end to those gloomy days. i guessed i cnt stay gloomy forever i got to come out of it somehow. life gotta move on and i just have to make everyday worth my smile and believe that things will get better somehow.

i cnt wait for tuesday to come because that will put an end to all the projects i have on hand now. hopefully both poster and lifeform presentations will go on smoothly and nth will pop out to scare me again. i cnt afford another scare after wat happened on thursday. i dont even want to talk about it anymore. it is mind-draining. and after tuesday, i will think about nothing but just books and tennis. tennis classes ended on saturday and i feel that there is still alot more that i can improve on. prolly gotta work on that more intensively after 27 nov. i cnt wait for that faithful day to come.

recently, i picked up the habit of daydreaming whenever i try to ponder about concepts that i cnt understand for more than 10minutes. it cn really put my mind off to things which have totally no link with wat i was supposed to be thinking abt. and i hope i cn kick tt habit soon. it is driving me nuts. ): there is so much that needs to be done and i am really afraid that i wont have time for everything. i just gotta focus and really acha fight for the last 2 weeks. i hoped the effort will be linear this time ard and not sq-rooted.

through the rain

let it pour just for today.
let the raindrops wash off the anguish and despondency.
i can never understand why but i have learnt not to question it anymore.

schizophrenia

if i haven got what i wish for,
it probably means i haven work hard enough.
this constant tug and pull battle has worn me off.
and just proves the point more that what u reap is never what u sow.
or perhaps i can never be better anymore.
hang on, press on, jiayous, acha fighting.
i heard enough.




tell my evil twin to go away.
i cnt give up now although i am so tempted to let go of that rope.
it had gotten me nothing but blisters.
even if there is a tiny bit of me that want to withdraw,
i need to pull the rest of me tgt and finish this race.
because perceptions aside, i am only accountable to myself.

dream and reality

i love what i am doing now.

but reality always drags me down and put me into more sorrow.

if time could stand still, i wish i could go back then and change my attitude.

i hate to not do everything to how i wish they turn out to be.

and when it happens, i can only tell myself to move on and that things will get better.

if only there is a starting point again.

i will definitely take the chance.

but the chance will never come.

and i have to bear this for the rest of my life.

the agony is starting to set in and it's drowning me.

when every single day is turning a toll on me.

and when all tt is left is just an empty shell.

i tried and i have to keep trying.

even if i wont reach the end in mind eventually, at least i tried.

the dream is vanishing and what is left is the cold reality.

it is not like this in the past.

i feel that i lost a part of me.

and i can never get it back anymore.

shatter

just some recent updates: nusps had our welcome tea on tuesday! and the response was overwhelming! tonnes of pharmily came down and i was really glad although there wasnt enough food to go ard for everyone. the bank status is finally settled as well after the third trial. everything seems good and hope it will only get better. (: i cnt wait for 50th exco outing tmr! :D hopefully i cn get to know the entire comm better through dinner and there will be loads of fun!

another week is ending and i can see the humongous pile of things i need to complete. the list is never ending. it will only get more, not less. well, at times it's good to get my mind preoccupied with things to do so i wont have time to think abt other things.

i wish i had known you earlier. then i wouldnt be stuck in this sticky situation.

the power of perceptions have gotten all of us intoxicated.

while the exterior perpetuated these perceptions,

i had made past transition time, chosen anew and rendered a second path.

and the same lighthouse will never shine again.

updates!

finally i get to do updates for so looooong. i am so glad that this week is history and that midterms are over. ytd was the worse day of this semester thus far. had 2 midterms on a single day, had to meet the deadline for pamphlet draft submission and settle accounting for pharm soc.dfd paper was freaking like a roller coaster ride. it got so exciting nearing the end of the paper. surprisingly, lifeforms midterms was way much better. nonetheless, i just hope that things will turn out fine eventually and wont do too badly for dfd. ):

hahas i never get to announce that i was elected into office! i am really glad that i finally decided to run for the post becuase after today's meeting with the past and present exco, i realise that there is so much more things u can learn and experience during ur term in office. not to mention giving back to the student population in terms of planning more activities and giving more welfare. (: and i hope that the 50th exco can have more bonding sessions. shall bombard socks with tonnes of outing ideas! :D

went for SILC 2010 during recess week from wed-fri with kheng yong and jiahui. totally enjoyed myself over the 3 days with my blueberry mates. although we only knew each other for less than 3 days, we are able to bond rather fast. just within 1 day. (: hahas the camp also exposed me to clubs and societies i never once know existed and we learnt alot abt the habits of being an effective leader. we even celebrated MAF over at kota tinggi and i got to play with latern for the 1st time after many years. (: campfire was totally the highlight of the entire camp and i think our group came out with the best skit and we taught everyone the friendship dance. had an awesome time at jusco eating desserts for lunch and shopping! had tonnes of icecream, brownies and blueberry pizza! bought an espirit shirt at reject store at a really worth it price. (:

the torch will never light up again.