out of my mind

it's friday again. time flies just the way the hummingbird flaps its wings.

i had the urge to blog today. i was on my way home with belle today. out of e sudden she popped this line: i miss benzene ring. (fyi, benzene ring refers to the 6 pple tt take the jurong east line home tgt during our jc days- ken, youlong, warren, min, belle n myself) since then it had reduced to her, jun hao and me. n most of the time, me and her only. instantly, i came up with an organic chem analogy to illustrate y it is turning out this way. benzene ring (6 pple) is stable by itself since it experience e least strain. so most of the time, e 6 of us always go home tgt w/o fail. whereas cyclopentane ( 3 membered ring-3 pple) is most strained so it tend to open up and there we have it: a straight chain ethane ( 2 C- 2 pple) so usually onli 2 of us go home tgt.

i went to yih's orange week with denise ytd after pharm pract. while approaching the newurbanmale booth, a guy in armani spects who talked in an artificial slang came up to us and tried convincing us to sign up for e standard chartered credit card. for the sake of the 10% cashback, we bought his idea. and signed up. LOL. and after searching thru piles of num clothing, i spent 60 bucks on 2 pieces. it was hard parting wif the 50 bucks tt i JUST withdrew from the atm.

money.money.money.

CA II is coming. ): i was studying endocrine system with my martini on wed. and i SPILL H2O on my textbook. i practically stonned for a few secs b4 i realised wat happened. and nw pg 623-625 is crumpled and pg 617-622 had fallen off. tt's so helpful to spur me to study. TV is still my biggest enemy. i wish i cn smash the tv in my room.

and my pharm pract lab exam is NEXT WEEK. nervous* hopefully i cn get a battery grade so i cn be spared from retest. calm n steady is the way to go. acha fight*

i tot of a switch. throughout the entire week. maybe it's jus so tt i cn get out of it. and i tot again. abt my oncology pharm D. abt my intial reason of this choice. so i decided to hang in there.

i jus gt to constantly remind myself. tt to reach there, u nid to put in ur mind. ur heart. ur soul.

so procrastinate no more and be 16 again.

my last teenage year

yup. enough of me emo-ing and venting out in this small space of mine. many pple send their regards and i really thank u guys for tt. tt is suffice for me to go on. knowing tt pple still care abt me. and it really showed from the celebration min, cand n belle (aka mouthpiece) planned for me. i noe u guys had a really tough time planning n organising it. cos i had been thru the process and it isnt easy. so thanks gals! i really appreciate it. esp when min n cand were having their CA jus the wk after.

i went to cut my hair at chapter 2 @ bugis with phe b4 meeting up the rest for k session at topone. i was hopin to cut my hair shorter n i didnt expect myself to listen to the hairstylist and try the new bob hairstyle. so nw my hair is both long and short in a way. LOL. went to k after tt. and THE ROOM IS DAMN SMALL. nonetheless, we kept ourselves cosy in the small space and had loads of fun camwhoring. all the photos are in fb. tsk tsk.

me with the mic and new hairstyle! (:

after k-ing for 5 hrs, we headed down to iluma for dinner!
maye,phe n hoi yee left while youlong n ee huai joined us.
this is the group photo shot we took while waiting for ken n yl to draw money.
in the end, we still started our meals w/o them. LOL.


my birthday cake!
standard and same as last yr bcos of the many restrictions moi set:
no choco. no mint. no cheese. hahas.
so there isnt really much choice left except mango fruit cake (:


we celebrated ee huai's birthday as well cos his was jus a few days away.
so we blew and cut the cake.

PRESENTS!! :D

tt's ALWAYS the best part of birthday! :D

i received a watch from the gals, belt from maye n qp.

THIS IS TOTALLY LOVED.

my fave adidas BLACK N GOLD polo tee!

wearing it will remind me tt" impossible is nothing". LOL.

thanks to yl, ken, russ and ee huai (:

there's adidas jacket and show's live concert momento bk from russ as well.

we had a loong chat after dinner- literally abt anything, everything under the sun.

i had loads of fun. and i hope everyone else did too tt day (:

0907 is ALWAYS loved (:

me, myself and i

i jus cfm everything today. yup. tt last two had me screwed up. i was doin well and fine for the 1st two. i wrote down all i wanted on a piece of paper and taped it on my wall ytd. hopefully tt will do some help and spur me on.

i felt so nt myself today in sch. i was like a piece of mochi: totally NUA-ed. e immense weight is still there. and i still couldnt write properly.

today everyone in sch asked me: how is your hand?
i replied: it's ok.


i wished they asked me: how are you.
so i cn replied: i'm nt ok.


just acha fight sus.
jus acha fight.
give urself another chance.
because all may nt be lost.


the feeling is back.
when i wished i had u by my side.

third degree blow

loads of stuff happened recently. i was upset in particular to one incident. cos i think i inflicted some hurt and harm on both parties. i didnt really want things to turn out this way.

things gt worse ytd. but i was still fine after tt 1st degree blow. although e news was bad, i had learnt to accept it entirely cos i knew tt was the best i could do. "u jus had to keep tryin and do better again" i acha fight myself.

it was a sunny morn today. everything went fine in the ppda lab. i was doin UV spectroscopy. i understood entirely wat dr anton was talking abt. i made 2-nitrophenol solution and a few rds of measurements. 2nd degree blow occured when i offered to make paracetamol dilution. tt's when e pipette broke n my left palm turned bloody. and i could not write properly after tt. jus when i had a pharm pract lab exam in 3 hrs time. jus when i had my 1st degree blow ytd. all tt i tot of was WHY ME.

on my way home, rachel msged me abt the physio CA results. i told her i will checked it out myself. eventually i still gt to noe. and tt was the 3rd degree blow.

it was a reversal. i am becoming the same me again. i told myself nt to go back then. but i still did. it rained when i left sch. i watched the raindrops pattered on the window panes of the train. it seemed like the sky was crying for me. perhaps all wasnt as bad in others perception. but no one cn understand the way i do. so much was done. so much self denial. so much self acha fight. and in the end, things dont turn out the way they are supposed to be again.

this is the breaking point. there is no more fourth degree blow.

i wished the tap went loose but it didnt. it couldnt. i jus felt this immense weight within me.

i am tired.

wat happened AFTER CA (:

1st thing 1st. CA IS OVER! :D i'm plain relieved abt tt. but gettin back my results is another thing. oh well, i shant think abt tt 1st. PLAY 1st. (:

met up with denise at yih for lunch after physio paper n i had green tea ice-cream! (: ps: i finished it within 5 mins. LOL. n i finally packed my MESSY table tt night till 0100hr just when i tot i could finally sleep early tt night after stayin up for so many nights. i will need garnier light pen soon with more sleepless nights to come. hahas.

went to sch earlier on fri noon to play aeroplane chess n chinese chess with qi xuan, cheryl, larissa, don n jun hao b4 PPDA lecture. i SERIOUSLY cnt play chinese chess. it's a mind-bogging game tt requires e players to think 3-4 steps ahead of wat will happen with each single move. so it turns out to be a stressful game with e 9 yrs xperienced jun hao.

HIGHLIGHT EVENT: i went to ubin with clique today! and everyone turned up!! (: it was fun cycling in rocky terrain and up-down slopes. we went chek java and took loads of photos!! it started to pour when we reached e jetty- on our way back to mainland. so we were quite lucky to do quite abit of cycling. jus tt there isnt any sun which made me n jason quite upset. hahas. yup n i had a great, fun n hilarious dinner with larissa, jun hao n don. i had nt had such a good laugh for quite some time and credits really go to this bunch of peeps. (: photos will be up SOON!

frens made the world go round!! (: